Care and Feeding: I made a bad joke about my sister's baby

[cereta]

Link.

Dear Care and Feeding,

A couple of weeks ago, I paid a visit to my older sister “Marissa” and her 2-month-old daughter “Mariah.” When Marissa commented how much of an angel my niece was, I jokingly replied that she’d better enjoy it now because by the time Mariah turns 12, she’s going to hate the sight of her. Then all hell broke loose.

She broke down crying! My younger sister, who was also there, got up and practically shoved me out the front door! Later, I got a text from my brother-in-law saying that I was not welcome at their house until I apologized. Not long after that, my mother called and chewed me out. Aren’t they taking this too far? I was just trying to be funny. It’s not like I told a dead baby joke!

—Learn to Laugh!

Dear Learn to Laugh,

Your sister is still in the delicate postpartum period, during which emotions can run high. In a state like that, the idea of your sweet little angel growing up to resent you may be a little much to handle—or at least it was for her. I would imagine that your other relatives are simply being sensitive to her emotional state, even if it feels like a bit of an overreaction. I’ll be honest: As the parent of a child at the age where she sometimes seems to hate seeing me, I don’t find anything funny about it. The easiest thing to do in this situation would be to simply apologize to your sister. Let her know that you were just being silly and didn’t mean any harm. Be particularly mindful of her feelings over the next few months (really, the next year); her life has changed drastically, and what may seem small to you may be hurtful to her.

Comments

[full_metal_ox]

LW? Your sister is coming to terms with a fundamental life-changing circumstance (particularly if Mariah is her first), as well as recovering from a demanding physical ordeal and in a state of hormonal volatility; right now the last thing she needs is you piling on the specter of future adolescent rebelliousness. Particularly if it comes across as laying a curse, however facetious, on her child; you just turned into the Wicked Fairy At The Christening.

(And Deputy Mom is a common life script for oldest daughters; don’t be surprised if that’s how Mariah turns out.)

[ethelmay]

Also, it's not actually uncommon for parents of newborns to already be worrying a little that their kid might hate them, because newborns are puzzling little critters who often seem unhappy and don't signal emotions in the same way as they will later. And you've just MET each other, and they're kind of preoccupied with learning to eat and poop and get used to clothes and all. It's very fortunate that you also have all the "OMG, the little toesies!" feelings to distract you.