Not enough romance, times two

[conuly]

1. DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter just turned 22 and she has yet to have so much as a casual boyfriend. She and her single friends go out either in a big group, or they get together at one another’s homes.

By my daughter’s age I had already had a couple of serious boyfriends and had started dating my future husband. I worry that she is missing out on what I found was both a fun and educational part of life. Should I be worried? --- MOTHER OF A LATE BLOOMER

DEAR MOTHER OF A LATE BLOOMER: No, I don’t believe you need to be worried about your daughter’s not yet having been in a romantic relationship. She and her friends are choosing to make their own way, at their own pace.

Many young people these days are focusing on a variety of aspects of their lives rather than looking for love, and that’s okay. It can be a good thing, as a matter of fact, for people to have a better sense of themselves and where they want to go in life before they consider sharing that life with someone else.

Link one

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2. Dear Annie: After nine years of waiting for him to propose, I finally decided to take matters into my own hands and popped the question myself. His response? He said he'd need to "see what his finances look like" -- and then a week later, he broke up with me via text.

Looking back, it's painfully clear: If he doesn't ask, he doesn't want to. What are your thoughts on situations like this? Should women ever propose, or does this only set them up for heartbreak if the feelings aren't mutual? -- Women Proposing

Dear Proposing: First and foremost, it sounds like you dodged a bullet. Thank goodness he didn't say yes. With that being said, I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman proposing to a man. We are living in 2025.

It shouldn't matter who pops the question, as long as both people are ready and willing to commit. However, your experience highlights an important truth: If one partner isn't fully invested or ready, no proposal -- no matter who makes it -- can change that.

This situation taught you a valuable lesson, which is that actions speak louder than words. If someone isn't showing consistent effort or commitment, it's often a sign that they may not be ready for the relationship you deserve.

You deserve someone who's as excited about building a future with you as you are with them.

Link two

Comments

[dissectionist]

LW1 is bigtime assuming that because her daughter hasn’t talked to her about it, that means her daughter hasn’t had romantic relationships. It’s quite possible that her daughter has been romantically involved and kept it quiet. That chance goes up significantly if the daughter is queer, considering it’s clear from LW’s letter that she’s expecting “boyfriends” to be the romantic option.

[minoanmiss]

Word.

[neotoma]

It's also possible that her daughter is ace and/or aro, and doesn't want to talk about it with LW, because of the expectations that LW clearly has.

[dissectionist]

Yep. There’s some real “if you’re not desiring and being desired by a man, there’s something wrong with you” vibes from LW1.

[full_metal_ox]

Life Begins At Man.

[melannen]

There's also the fact that if daughter is currently twenty-two, she spent her last few teen years in lockdown and was probably not out at the club.

(But I vote that she's aro.)