An appalling claim of dinner-host 'etiquette'

[michelel72]

Dear Miss Manners: I sent out a dinner invitation to my in-laws. My brother-in-law called my husband to confirm attendance. He added that he will be bringing his boyfriend, and will require certain food accommodations because the boyfriend was just discharged from the hospital a couple of days ago after a major organ transplant surgery.

I decided to cancel the dinner, telling my husband that it is rude and entitled to inconvenience your host. If one is that delicate that he needs special treatment, then he should stay home. My husband says I’m being too sensitive and should just ignore the request. What does Miss Manners think?

That someone should be checking in on the boyfriend who just had a major organ transplant?!

Miss Manners has sympathy for the rampant abuse of hosts when it comes to inviting extra people and dictating menus. But she does not cancel dinners over them — and not for legitimate excuses such as bringing an established partner and asking to accommodate his post-hospitalization diet.

Not only are you being too sensitive, you are being actively insensitive. But you may take comfort in knowing that your husband's idea to ignore the (likely) medically necessary dietary request may actually be worse.

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Comments

[michelel72]

I admit this is so over-the-top evil that it seems like rage-bait, but ... it was published, and there are some breathtakingly awful people out there who cry etiquette as justification for their awfulness. A cautionary tale, I suppose.

If this is true, canceling the dinner party is probably the kindest thing the LW can do for their BIL and his boyfriend.

[juniperphoenix]

...Does the boyfriend actually WANT to go out for dinner a few days after a major organ transplant?!

[leeshajoy]

Call me cynical, but I wonder if the fact that the brother-in-law was bringing a boyfriend might have been a factor here.

[redbird]

The only questionable thing LW's brother-in-law did was to say "I'm bringing my boyfriend and he will need this specific food" rather than asking to bring his boyfriend, and then mentioning what the boyfriend can or can't eat..

On the other hand, if this is an established partner, not "I'm bringing my new boyfriend, he just got out of the hospital," the LW and her husband should have invited the partner along with the other in-laws.

[minoanmiss]

... wow. wow.

[conuly]

Please let this be fake.

[princessofgeeks]

I do not understand people.