Dear Abby: I...really?

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I am estranged from my son because he changed his last name when he married. He did it over my objection. Reportedly, his wife's parents tried to dissuade them from doing it, too. The explanation we were given was "they need to have the same last name to feel like a family." I suppose our last name was not acceptable, although they claimed they had nothing against it.

I tried to compromise and suggested my son use a hyphenated name. They agreed to it, but changed their minds after the wedding. I suspect that their reason was they want their children to have a different last name than ours.

What is your take on this? Am I overreacting by wanting to have nothing to do with them? -- MOM OF ANOTHER NAME

DEAR MOM: Yes, you are overreacting. If you keep this up, your grandchildren will miss out on a loving grandma. It is possible that your son and his wife preferred a name that was less ethnic or easier to spell. Hyphenating names can create problems -- especially if it continues into the next generation.

Comments

[cereta]

Long post redacted to icon.

Val Stone, btw, not only kept her name, but gave it to her two daughters. Her late husband was an avowed feminist. God, I miss my daily dose of Stone Soup.

[xenacryst]

OMG of all the stupid reasons to create a permanent rift in your family for crying out loud. I would say "overreacting" is an understatement.

(Though, puhleeze, Abby, a name doesn't have to be "ethnic" to be crossed off the list of what a family wants when they start out. If my last name were Smith, I'd be jonesing to change it to something more interesting.)

[redbird]

More interesting and/or less prone to confusion. I read an article yesterday by someone who has spent years dealing with a bureaucracy that couldn't handle the fact that there are two "Lisa C. Jones"es in New York City with the same date of birth, and put out a warrant for her address [at address A] because the other person [at address B] hadn't paid a speeding ticket. (To say nothing of the violations by several women who'd given "Lisa C. Jones" as their name and fake or out-of-date addresses.) She eventually figured this out, found the other, and they're now friends.

I am aware of only two other Vicki Rosenzweigs in the United States, though that's a convenience sample; there may be others who aren't online enough for Google to find. There may be others, but probably not with the same birthdate, or living in the same town (and not just because Arlington has about 1/200th as many people as New York City).

[minoanmiss]

LW is way overreacting (choosing a new family name is not at all necessarily about Rejecting Yours) but the 'less ethnic' bit in the reply rubs me the wrong way.

[cereta]

Agreed.

[saunteringfiend]

Seconded.

[ellen_fremedon]

Gee. I can't imagine why this man wants to have a different name than his mother. Not one single reason.

[torachan]

Would have been nice if Abby had pointed out that the LW probably would not have thought twice about this, much less estranged herself from her child, if that child were a daughter taking her husband's name and not the other way around...