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Dear Abby: Should I Tell My Friend Her New Hair Makes Her Look Older?
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend in her mid-40s who has naturally dark hair she keeps cut short. It looked fine.
A few months ago, she bleached her hair platinum blond. She said she was going for a look that will include dark roots, but she has kept the roots platinum, so now her hair just looks white -- especially in pictures. She posted photos of herself with her boyfriend on Facebook, and while I was scrolling down, my initial reaction was, "Who is that elderly woman he's sitting with?"
A mutual friend commented to me how bad my friend's hair looks and how aging it is. Should I mention to her that her hair color makes her look 20 years older? Telling someone her hair doesn't look good can be hurtful, but if it were me, I'd want to know. -- HELPFUL IN HAWAII
DEAR HELPFUL: Be diplomatic, but tell her. A tactful way to lead in would be to say you saw the pictures she posted on Facebook and the platinum hair makes her look "older." However, unless she asks how much older, don't volunteer, because if you say it's two decades, she may take offense.
A few months ago, she bleached her hair platinum blond. She said she was going for a look that will include dark roots, but she has kept the roots platinum, so now her hair just looks white -- especially in pictures. She posted photos of herself with her boyfriend on Facebook, and while I was scrolling down, my initial reaction was, "Who is that elderly woman he's sitting with?"
A mutual friend commented to me how bad my friend's hair looks and how aging it is. Should I mention to her that her hair color makes her look 20 years older? Telling someone her hair doesn't look good can be hurtful, but if it were me, I'd want to know. -- HELPFUL IN HAWAII
DEAR HELPFUL: Be diplomatic, but tell her. A tactful way to lead in would be to say you saw the pictures she posted on Facebook and the platinum hair makes her look "older." However, unless she asks how much older, don't volunteer, because if you say it's two decades, she may take offense.
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I'll admit, I'm a total back-away-hands-off-gestures when it comes to stuff like this. If I'm asked, I will probably give a watered-down, "I really thought the darker hair suited you better," but volunteering? Gah. But that's as much me being conflict-avoiding as a stand on principle.
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1. OH jeepers, a non professional photo posted to facebook and viewed on god knows what device might not look amazing. SHOCKING.
2. Why on earth must our personal preferences of how to look conform to everyone else's ideal look for ourselves?
3. Is she happy? Or has she expressed something in personal conversation about her looks that would lead to this conversation? If not, shut up. It's not like her underwear is showing or a stain on her butt.
4. HAS SHE ASKED? This is where it gets complex, because now you can start to deal with the friendship vs unvarnished truth vs white lies, etc. And if we're on #4 I can see there being a genuine issue but if it's not this issue it all feels like someone asking permission and therefore absolution to be 'brutally internet honest' with a friend.
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