I have questions

[jadelennox]

source

Dear Care and Feeding,

I am a woman in my late thirties who never had the opportunity for children of my own. I have a sister who is seven years younger and gave me a BEAUTIFUL niece two years ago who I couldn’t love more. My sister and I have never been very close and it’s always bothered me; I must say I feel I’ve made tons of effort, to no avail. I am willing to accept this now as I can’t make someone like me. Of course, there’s still a great deal of love. Now, the issue is that I crave a close and significant relationship with my niece. My sister tends to turn me down any time I try to ask to see my niece. Am I being unreasonable wanting this connection? Should I find a way to move on from it? Is there a way I can ensure that I am in my niece’s life without being a pain?

—Estranged Auntie

Dear Estranged Auntie,

Unfortunately, it’s virtually impossible to have a relationship with a child who is not your own without having a good relationship with their parents. You have to continue trying to mend the bond with your sister if you want to have access to her daughter. Let her know that it bothers you that you aren’t closer and that you are willing to do what it takes to try and make that happen. Explain that you want to get to know her daughter and to be a constant part of her life. Ask her what it would take to make things better between the two of you. Hopefully, she’ll be receptive, though it may take some time to get through to her. If not, unfortunately, there’s no way that you can spend time with your niece without finding some sort of peace with her mother. You’re not unreasonable for craving this connection. It’s an unfortunate situation, and you may have to accept not having the closeness with your niece that you want to have. It really all depends on how you’re able to mend fences with your sister.