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Dear Abby: Man take mean pictures of wife
DEAR ABBY: I'm an older woman. My husband and I have been married eight years but were together 15 years prior to our marriage. He is a wonderful, caring man in most ways. But from time to time, he snaps extremely unflattering photos of me, sends them to everyone we know and even orders enlargements made for me.
I have a mouth condition that makes smiling painful, so unless I know a picture is being taken, I look really old and grumpy. I have asked him PLEASE not to do this because it's humiliating when he sends them out to friends and family members. I think it's unkind and disrespectful and have told him so, yet he persists.
I'm to the point that this has become a deal-breaker in our marriage, and he knows it. He claims he loves me and is proud of me. And yes, we have been to counseling about our relationship in general because of the many times he has humiliated me in public. But he won't stop. How can I handle this going forward? -- HUMILIATED AND HURTING
DEAR HUMILIATED: It appears your "wonderful, caring" husband has a mean streak. He's getting his kicks by embarrassing you. One way to handle it going forward would be to ignore him when he does it. It won't be easy, but when he realizes he can't get the desired reaction from you, he may do it less often. Another way to deal with it would be to discuss privately with a licensed therapist whether his behavior really has become a deal-breaker. The choice is yours.
I have a mouth condition that makes smiling painful, so unless I know a picture is being taken, I look really old and grumpy. I have asked him PLEASE not to do this because it's humiliating when he sends them out to friends and family members. I think it's unkind and disrespectful and have told him so, yet he persists.
I'm to the point that this has become a deal-breaker in our marriage, and he knows it. He claims he loves me and is proud of me. And yes, we have been to counseling about our relationship in general because of the many times he has humiliated me in public. But he won't stop. How can I handle this going forward? -- HUMILIATED AND HURTING
DEAR HUMILIATED: It appears your "wonderful, caring" husband has a mean streak. He's getting his kicks by embarrassing you. One way to handle it going forward would be to ignore him when he does it. It won't be easy, but when he realizes he can't get the desired reaction from you, he may do it less often. Another way to deal with it would be to discuss privately with a licensed therapist whether his behavior really has become a deal-breaker. The choice is yours.
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And, seriously, the number of marriages I have seen in my life where the man seemed to think that his wife (and children, if any) were just basically there for him to treat with contempt, condescension, and mockery while they were expected to defer to him is just... maybe not "AOT,K", but enough that ones that don't fit that pattern stand out rather than the reverse.
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