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Dear Abby: Man take mean pictures of wife
DEAR ABBY: I'm an older woman. My husband and I have been married eight years but were together 15 years prior to our marriage. He is a wonderful, caring man in most ways. But from time to time, he snaps extremely unflattering photos of me, sends them to everyone we know and even orders enlargements made for me.
I have a mouth condition that makes smiling painful, so unless I know a picture is being taken, I look really old and grumpy. I have asked him PLEASE not to do this because it's humiliating when he sends them out to friends and family members. I think it's unkind and disrespectful and have told him so, yet he persists.
I'm to the point that this has become a deal-breaker in our marriage, and he knows it. He claims he loves me and is proud of me. And yes, we have been to counseling about our relationship in general because of the many times he has humiliated me in public. But he won't stop. How can I handle this going forward? -- HUMILIATED AND HURTING
DEAR HUMILIATED: It appears your "wonderful, caring" husband has a mean streak. He's getting his kicks by embarrassing you. One way to handle it going forward would be to ignore him when he does it. It won't be easy, but when he realizes he can't get the desired reaction from you, he may do it less often. Another way to deal with it would be to discuss privately with a licensed therapist whether his behavior really has become a deal-breaker. The choice is yours.
I have a mouth condition that makes smiling painful, so unless I know a picture is being taken, I look really old and grumpy. I have asked him PLEASE not to do this because it's humiliating when he sends them out to friends and family members. I think it's unkind and disrespectful and have told him so, yet he persists.
I'm to the point that this has become a deal-breaker in our marriage, and he knows it. He claims he loves me and is proud of me. And yes, we have been to counseling about our relationship in general because of the many times he has humiliated me in public. But he won't stop. How can I handle this going forward? -- HUMILIATED AND HURTING
DEAR HUMILIATED: It appears your "wonderful, caring" husband has a mean streak. He's getting his kicks by embarrassing you. One way to handle it going forward would be to ignore him when he does it. It won't be easy, but when he realizes he can't get the desired reaction from you, he may do it less often. Another way to deal with it would be to discuss privately with a licensed therapist whether his behavior really has become a deal-breaker. The choice is yours.
no subject
1 - Stop taking candid photos of his wife
2 - Get consent from his wife prior to taking photos of LW
3 - Continue to take the photos and run them past LW prior to sending them out/sharing them with others
4 - Take the photos and never share them
5 - Continue to take the photos & sharing the photos both without the wife's consent
There are 3 options in here that seem like good choices to respect his wife's wishes and/or compromise with her. There are two options that would allow him to continue to ignore his wife's request to varying degrees of how mean it comes across.
I would not recommend LW ignore the behavior. As
Instead, I would recommend LW point out the choices her husband has at his disposal and talk through which choice he wants to make. If he decides to continue with option 5, then it's likely time for couple's counseling and for LW to determine if this is genuinely deal breaking behavior. If the photos are truly as humiliating and distressing to LW as LW has indicated, it very well could be time for a divorce if (and only if) husband is adamant option #5 is the respect owed to his life partner.