petrea_mitchell (
petrea_mitchell) wrote in
agonyaunt2023-08-02 09:25 am
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Entry tags:
Crime and etiquette
AAM: My coworker is vandalizing my car (letter #2)
Another employee and I work for the same company but at different locations. I noticed strange things happening to my car when I go to the store. My car is getting keyed and nails are forcefully in my tires when I go in the building. When I return, I always find something wrong with my car. I decided to put cameras in my car and I caught this other employee doing more crimes to my car. Do I come forward with the footage and show it to the manager? Is this a fireable offensive for the employee that’s been doing it to my car?
Yes and yes. Fireable doesn’t mean “this person will definitely be fired,” but if the evidence is really irrefutable, they should be. Either way, it’s something your employer needs to be aware of and needs to stop.
Miss Manners: I’m fairly certain my mother-in-law is stealing from her company. Do I turn her in?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law works for a company by ordering products and shipping things out. For several years, I’ve noticed she will spend the company’s money on herself. She pays for shipping her Christmas gifts with the company account, and her house is furnished with their “damaged goods.”
I’ve mentioned to her that I thought she could get in trouble if they caught her, but she is a fierce know-it-all type. The more it happens, the less I like her. What she does is simply wrong, and I don’t know how to look the other way.
Do I need to just turn my head, or is it OK to reach out to her company?
GENTLE READER: As your mother-in-law is on a crime spree, the legal and moral arguments for turning her in are readily apparent. You are therefore, presumably, asking Miss Manners for the etiquette.
The etiquette is that, if you do choose to report your mother-in-law, you should express a moral conflict about coming forward that you may not actually feel. Of course, the person you should really be speaking with is your spouse, who may have their own opinion on the best course of action -- presuming this behavior does not run in the family.
Another employee and I work for the same company but at different locations. I noticed strange things happening to my car when I go to the store. My car is getting keyed and nails are forcefully in my tires when I go in the building. When I return, I always find something wrong with my car. I decided to put cameras in my car and I caught this other employee doing more crimes to my car. Do I come forward with the footage and show it to the manager? Is this a fireable offensive for the employee that’s been doing it to my car?
Yes and yes. Fireable doesn’t mean “this person will definitely be fired,” but if the evidence is really irrefutable, they should be. Either way, it’s something your employer needs to be aware of and needs to stop.
Miss Manners: I’m fairly certain my mother-in-law is stealing from her company. Do I turn her in?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law works for a company by ordering products and shipping things out. For several years, I’ve noticed she will spend the company’s money on herself. She pays for shipping her Christmas gifts with the company account, and her house is furnished with their “damaged goods.”
I’ve mentioned to her that I thought she could get in trouble if they caught her, but she is a fierce know-it-all type. The more it happens, the less I like her. What she does is simply wrong, and I don’t know how to look the other way.
Do I need to just turn my head, or is it OK to reach out to her company?
GENTLE READER: As your mother-in-law is on a crime spree, the legal and moral arguments for turning her in are readily apparent. You are therefore, presumably, asking Miss Manners for the etiquette.
The etiquette is that, if you do choose to report your mother-in-law, you should express a moral conflict about coming forward that you may not actually feel. Of course, the person you should really be speaking with is your spouse, who may have their own opinion on the best course of action -- presuming this behavior does not run in the family.
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There's considerable difference between telling someone she is doing something outrageously wrong and that you never want to see her again; and calling the cops on her. LW is thinking of reaching out to the company. What do they expect to happen then? What do they WANT to happen then? Returning stolen property, improved security practices, a life of virtue?
Unemployment, short or long term? Arrest, with or without violence?
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If you find it annoying or obnoxious, that's perfectly valid, but don't make a huge fuss about something that might not even be under-the-table. (Also, yes, you should talk to your spouse about it.)
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