(no subject)

[ysobel]

From the Carolyn Hax chat:

Should I comment on altered appearance?

A technician who has serviced out HVAC system for 15 years came today. He was wearing hoop earrings, mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow and lipstick. My first thought was "that's a little dramatic for daytime wear." I know that he is married and has adult children. I didn't comment on his transformation. He'll be back in six months -- should I say something then?


Carolyn Hax

"That's a great color on you." (Translation: You're safe here.) Otherwise, no.

[isa comment: I love CH's reply, no notes! but am eyebrowing hard at the LW, especially for "dramatic" and the relevance of marriage/kids]

Comments

[yalovetz]

I sometimes have encounters like this and wonder how I can make comments that will show I that I've noticed the person's changed gender expression and am supportive and a safe person. However, I'm a man and autistic and don't want to come off as creepy or like I'm hitting on them. I have no idea how to be flirtatious and therefore am always worried I might be inadvertently, so veer on the side of not doing anything that could remotely be perceived that way, which means never complimenting anyone on their appearance, for the most part.

I also have a trans history myself, so could always make some kind of comment about how freeing it is to start expressing yourself in different ways. But I'm not sure how this would come across, as I'm pretty much always read as a cis man, and I'm not always comfortable outing that part of my history to strangers.

[minoanmiss]

It is fraught isn’t it? I find “ you look nice” nonthreatening in general but it might feel not sufficiently specific.