![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
(no subject)
DEAR ABBY: One of my dear friends is Christian. She knows I'm Jewish. I don't expect her to acknowledge many of the Jewish holidays because I'm sure she's unfamiliar with them. However, Hanukkah is ubiquitous, and it would be nice if she would wish me a "Happy Hanukkah."
Every year, she wishes me a "Merry Christmas," buys me a Christmas gift and a Christmas card. She's a truly nice person, and I don't think she's deliberately being dismissive or insensitive. I have mentioned this to her several times over the years, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Without insulting her or seeming ungrateful, how can I let her know this bothers me? -- OBSERVANT IN OHIO
DEAR OBSERVANT: If she's a dear friend, she's not likely trying to upset you. A month before the beginning of Hanukkah this year, "remind" her that you do not celebrate the Christian holiday of Christmas. It should allow her enough time to find a suitable card for you. If she forgets after that, do not exile her into the wilderness, but forgive her.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2827119
Every year, she wishes me a "Merry Christmas," buys me a Christmas gift and a Christmas card. She's a truly nice person, and I don't think she's deliberately being dismissive or insensitive. I have mentioned this to her several times over the years, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Without insulting her or seeming ungrateful, how can I let her know this bothers me? -- OBSERVANT IN OHIO
DEAR OBSERVANT: If she's a dear friend, she's not likely trying to upset you. A month before the beginning of Hanukkah this year, "remind" her that you do not celebrate the Christian holiday of Christmas. It should allow her enough time to find a suitable card for you. If she forgets after that, do not exile her into the wilderness, but forgive her.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2827119
no subject
I'm not suggesting escalating very far, at least at first - there's a lot of space between a nervous hint and a screaming fit. How about a matter-of-fact statement that this behavior is hurtful and a refusal to soothe the resulting awkwardness? Let her feel bad about it without immediately taking it back and saying it's okay. And give her a better option. Say "here's a way to be kind and friendly to me that's not pushing Christianity on me" and suggest a Hanukkah card or whatever.
(And if she reacts badly - if she thinks you're "persecuting" her for not being onboard with Christmassed at, then you've learned something about her, haven't you. *Is* she really a nice person? Is she really a good friend? Let her prove it by listening to you.)