Dear Abby: Tell People to Stop Blessing Me

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I suffer from severe seasonal allergies. I have watery eyes and sneeze during January and February every year. I went to an allergist last winter, but he couldn't do much for me.

As I struggle to get through my days as quietly as possible, every sneeze seemingly elicits a "God bless you" from some stranger. If I'm unable to acknowledge it, I often get a "Well, thank you!" or some other show of indignation.

Abby, I don't need "blessings." Calling attention to my difficulties, frankly, just annoys and embarrasses me. I am trying the best I can to be quiet and avoid disruption. Can you please ask your many readers to end this ancient, silly convention and let those of us with allergies suffer in peace? -- ATCHOO IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ATCHOO: No. The "God bless you" convention originated in the Middle Ages. People thought that when someone sneezed the soul left the body for a minute, and would be snatched by the devil if someone didn't say "God bless you." Those who say it today may be doing it because it has become a conditioned reflex, or to be polite. Accept the kind gesture and kwitchurbitchin.

Comments

[nonethefewer]

Irritates the crap outta me too, but there's not really much to do about it, so, just accept it and move on, I suppose

*sneezes unironically*

[greenygal]

My sympathies are with the LW--I have periods of wretched coughing, and I am so grateful that there is no social convention (based on a superstition from the Middle Ages, so clearly we have to keep it around) that the people around me have to acknowledge it every time I cough. *shudder* And seriously, something that you didn't ask for and that people get mad when you don't graciously accept is not a kind gesture.

[jadelennox]

My sympathies are with the letter writer, but they need to suck it up. People who get mad when it's not acknowledged are assholes, and Abby could have given some strategies for addressing it in the case of non-strangers. I don't like it when people ask "omigod, are you okay?!??!" after I hurt myself and yell (a frequent occurence, I'm a klutz), so my housemates don't do it anymore, and I suck it up an seethe while smiling politely for everyone else.

[deird1]

Do Americans really "acknowledge it" every time someone says "bless you" to them? I automatically say "bless you" when I hear someone sneeze, but I don't expect a response.

[darchildre]

I mean, I don't expect a response when I say "bless you" either - I don't think people are rude for not responding, they're dealing with shit right now - but if someone says it to me and I'm able, I do generally say a quick "thanks," just as I would at any other expression of well wishes.

tzu gezunt!

[jadelennox]

Possibly I fire off a muttered thanks that's as automatic as the "bless you"? I'm not sure.

Nobody ever says thank you to me, but I tend to say bless you in yiddish instead of English, because you pick up reflexive social conventions from your parents.

[ambyr]

I feel this is one of those things where it's certainly your right to be annoyed if you want, but you will live a much happier life if you learn not to be.

[eleanorjane]

Hah. I have not much sympathy for the LW, I must admit, because this sounds all too familiar. My ex-partner hated being blessed -- "you're not a priest!" he'd point out, as though that were the point (or as though priests are the only people who have a right to bless people? I dunno). He hated the reflexive meaningless nature of it, and refused to accept that there are illogical things humans do in their social interactions.

It is such a relief to be able to say "bless you" to people again without having him in the background glaring at me. :)

Though to be fair, I can see from the LW's PoV it'd suck to have to constantly respond at a point when all you want is to stop sneezing. People who get shirty about a lack of acknowledgement need better manners.

[cereta]

Yeah, I'm kind of with you. I tend to sneeze a lot, including in class, and I don't see that someone saying, "bless you" draws any more attention to me than sneezing four times in a row already does. That said, while I do tend to say thank you, I...don't think I even notice if people say it back when I say "gesundheit." If people are getting snippy about that, the LW has a right to complain.

Otherwise, you know, feelings are feelings, reactions are reactions, but I wonder if the LW isn't focusing some of their frustration about their allergies on this. Having a kind of low-level misery about which very little can be done is, ya know, not fun, and it can often make what are intended as kind gestures annoying.

Catching up rather late

[commodorified]

The running (heh) joke in my allergy-plagued family, after the fifth or more sneeze in a row, is "It's Excuse Me, Grandpa, not 'Goddammit!'."

I apparently said this very sternly to my grandfather when I was, oh, three or so.

All of which is to say, "Goddammit!"

[sathari]

This is tangential, but the version of it I hate is that as a serial sneezer, I get the people who repeatedly say "Bless you" after each sneeze--- in a way that clearly indicates that you're not doing it as a polite gesture, you're making fun of my multiple sneezes and deliberately drawing attention to my "weird" behavior (that is totally involuntary and not my fault). Just, please, if you're reading this, the next time you run into a serial sneezer, be kind and wait until we're done?

[jadelennox]

And thanks to this post I have found the responses to sneezing in languages chart, which I LOVE.

[xenacryst]

"It's the truth!"

"You released nose water!"

"Hey! I took a bath!"

"A great fortunate occurrence!"

"Drink more water."