Dear Abby: My grandson is being bullied by another child's father

[cereta]

Can you tell I'm catching up on Dear Abby?


DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old grandson, "Joey," is the light of my life. He's outgoing, compassionate, smart and fun. The "problem" is, he prefers girl things to boy things, and has since he was old enough to express his wants. Fashion, makeup, hairstyles -- he is the expert. His parents grumble, but realize that he can be who he is and be happy, or they can try to change him and he will turn out to be neurotic.

The issue is with the father of a friend of his who will not accept who Joey is. The man yells at Joey for playing with girl things and tells his son to tell on Joey when he does girl things.

Abby, this man is the principal of a middle school. As a retired educator, I want to speak with him about his behavior and the effect it can have on a young child. What could I say that might make him realize that this is not only detrimental to Joey, but to all those young minds he helps to shape on a daily basis? -- LIGHT OF MY LIFE

DEAR LIGHT: Joey's parents should talk to that man and demand that he stop bullying their son. They should warn him that if he scapegoats a child at his school that way, he could wind up in front of the school board and lose his job. He's not only discriminating, but also encouraging the scapegoating of at-risk children. And, I'm sad to say, Joey's parents should probably curtail their son's friendship with the man's son.

Comments

[cereta]

I really, really hope that when Grandma tells Joey's parents, they take appropriate action. I can't imagine a parent letting another parent yell at their kid over anything, even if they "grumble" themselves, but I worry that they won't take proactive steps to make sure the other boy doesn't continue his father's work, or that if the boy "tells" on Joey, the teachers respond appropriately.

As for what to do about the man being a principal, man, that's tough. I would want to take more action to protect other children from him, but I'm not sure what or what channels.

[azurelunatic]

(All of this is based on a childhood of listening to school board meetings over the local public radio station.)

Depending on the local politics of the area, rounding up a number of Other Concerned Parents and making an appearance at the local school board is the way I'd think of first. There's also Facebook, NextDoor, Twitter, and possibly other local popular means of online communication.

The behavior, bullying children for their hobbies and gender expression, is completely inappropriate in a school setting -- not from peers, and especially not from educators. I think getting people to agree to this principle is the first step. (If there isn't support for that principle, the subsequent steps might be fruitless.) The second (but likely concurrent) step is to check with people in that school to see if the principal has been observed bullying students as part of his professional life. The third step would be (after getting a group of concerned parents together) to present evidence that the principal has been bullying students based on ridiculous gender norms, and ask for his censure based on those inappropriate behaviors.

There may be less public ways to file a grievance as well.

[vass]

I can't imagine a parent letting another parent yell at their kid over anything

*blink*

Sorry, I am having a literal moment. Do you mean that you know this is a common thing that happens, but personally given how you feel about your kid, you can't understand how they would do that? Or do you mean that you can't imagine that this happens?

Because I can assure you that it can happen. Easily. Personal anecdotes available upon my failing a saving roll against tmi.

[cereta]

Okay, to clarify, I was speaking figuratively. It's more being very bothered by it than not knowing that it happens.

[vass]

Thanks for clarifying. *nod*

[neotoma]

If a principal of a middle school is bullying school-children, I'd definitely see if there is a way to complain to the superintendent (if the district has one) and the Board of Education. Getting more parents to complain all at the same time would make more of an impact.