What a jerk.

[conuly]

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a gentleman should, I offer my wife the first choice when there are two of something left. For example: "Dear wife, we have two tomatoes left. Would you prefer the red or the yellow?"

Her response invariably is, "Either one is fine. I have no preference."

I contend that this is rude, and that proper etiquette would dictate that she choose one, rather than deferring the decision back to me. What say you?

GENTLE READER: That Miss Manners, like your wife, has no preference in the matter.

Knowing this, you might spare your wife the decision and just take the one you want. But other spouses, beware: Not everyone will appreciate this kind of brazen tomato decisiveness. It usually takes only one such violation to find that out.

https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2022/12/16/2

Comments

[conuly]

It's enough to turn you off tomatoes forever, honestly.

[lethe1]

Nothing could turn me off tomatoes, but I would be turned off someone who considered my leaving the decision to him rude. And should there really be proper etiquette between spouses? I thought that was more for acquaintances and other third parties, not for people you are close with.

[conuly]

I think you're using a definition of "proper etiquette" that Miss Manners, among others, does not subscribe to.

It's true that you'll likely act less formally with people you're close to - but that's because the proper etiquette calls for less formal behavior, not because there's no such thing as proper etiquette.

[jadelennox]

Or husbands.

[lilysea]

I think LW should have ONE conversation with their spouse in which they say

"are there any types of food where you would like to pick which tomato/apple/potato/chicken wing etc you want, or from now on, should I just choose which one I want, and assume that you will speak up if you have a preference?"

and then ABIDE BY THAT DECISION FOREVER UNTIL TOLD OTHERWISE.

No need to ask every time!

[castiron]

Dear LW: The point of offering the other person first choice is to give them the chance to take their preferred option if they have a preference; it is not to unload the decision-making onto them.

She said she has no preference; that means you can take whichever one you want more. Oh, the horror. Get over it.

(And if you're one of these people who pretends you're fine with either choice but will be snippy for the rest of the day if the other person chooses what you secretly wanted, maybe there's a reason your wife says "I have no preference.")

[shirou]

Dear LW: How long have you been married that you still haven't gotten a clue about what matters to your wife and what doesn't? If she invariably doesn't care, stop asking.