Ask Amy: ...I hope this letter is fake

[ysobel]

Actual title I want a silent wedding reception. My fiance says it’s ‘irrational.’

Dear Amy: My fiance and I are planning our wedding. As the bride, I’m planning on making certain requests of my guests, to make sure that my special day is as perfect as possible. For example, I’m asking that my guests wear exclusively yellow at the ceremony.

My fiance has been supportive, but he angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain silent throughout both the ceremony and reception (to ensure that the focus remains on us). My fiance said that this is irrational. He does not want to have a silent wedding.

I know it’s uncommon. I’ve never heard of anyone else having one, but we’ve had them in my family. The guests are not permitted to speak at all during the ceremony, and the only toasts allowed are from the mothers of the bride and groom. Instrumental music will be playing quietly.

During the reception, the guests may whisper among one another, but may not speak aloud. As the newly married couple, our focus should remain solely on each other rather than on any rowdy guests.

I know it’s a lot to ask, but I feel I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together will be perfect. I want him to support me, even if we disagree on something.

Is my fiance’s lack of understanding and support a red flag?

— Silence is Golden

Silence: Congratulations! You are on the verge of attaining legendary Bridezilla status. Yes, there are many flags flying over this unusual affair (and they’re yellow, of course).

I hope your fiance is paying attention, because if you are this self-centered now — I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later, for instance if you choose to have children.

Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that a wedding is for the bride alone, to serve her whims and fancies. No. Public weddings are family events and should celebrate the joining of two families.

Your fiance’s job is not to support you regardless of how dumb your ideas are. That’s not how marriage works.

Let’s start with your request that all guests must wear yellow. I have yet to see a man’s yellow outfit that didn’t bring to mind a giant banana.

Let’s move on to the silence. Generally, guests don’t speak during wedding ceremonies, unless asked to read aloud. But a silent reception? Aside from some traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously is not), the idea of a silent reception goes well with your color scheme: basically bananas.

If you don’t want rowdy guests, then limit (or don’t serve) alcohol. If you want the focus solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing before a mirror.

Comments

[haggis]

I read this one aloud to my husband and he suggested that at least one of the guests should wear an Elton John style fabulous yellow suit, possibly with feathers in a headdress. I would pay a lot of money to see that happen.

[ashbet]

“Your fiance’s job is not to support you regardless of how dumb your ideas are.”

I normally only hate-read Ask Amy — but she nailed it, for once!! 🤣

[tielan]

I am...what? Like, what the what?

[melannen]

No talking while eating!



(LW if you really are a Lan, you can bring it to your fiance with the approach that this is a family tradition you want to continue... but it sounds like it's not and that's not your reason, in which case: what. Why would you even want that. That sounds awful. You are being awful.)

[goljerp]

On the other hand, hear me out, this might actually be a brilliant way to make sure that nobody attends the wedding! (Maybe not even the groom!)

[castiron]

I often wonder how much the bridezilla phenomenon is because a wedding day is one of the few occasions where it's socially acceptable for a woman to have desires and opinions that people are expected to consider at all.

And then I read posts like this and go "maybe, but sometimes it's just because the bride-to-be is a jerk".

[cereta]

Why even have a wedding reception if you're not going to interact with the guests? Why not just have dinner for two?

[lethe1]

Oh yes!

[lethe1]

Because she wants to be worshipped by the silent crowd.

[conuly]

If she and Fiance can't come to an agreement on this, they definitely shouldn't get married. (For his sake.)

[movingfinger]

I'm wondering whether this is a fictional scenario from a book or something I don't recognize, because it is extremely specific and has cult-like vibes. And yeah, probably not a real letter.

[green_grrl]

Same! She really, delightfully, brought it to this one. (Although it’s so outrageous, it would be hard not to. Yellow?!)

[likeaduck]

I think so much about that.

[xenacryst]

I mean, the one thing about the future husband is his angry reaction. Though if she's been dreaming up ever more ludicrous ideas for this fateful day he might have just finally snapped. But I'd've hoped at some point he would have looked at her with incredulous perplexity and just said "WHUT" before being angry.

[cimorene]

Of course, she may be eliding a transition from confused to angry as she proved immovable to persuasion and argument...

[lilysea]

What is a Lan?

[melannen]

Oh it's a fandom reference - the main character in mdzs/Untamed marries into a family with a strict tradition of total silence during meals, so there's actually a huge amount of fanfic struggling with the specific question of "my fiance's family wants the wedding feast silent, and I want to respect them, but also, that's a ridiculous rule."

[ethelmay]

My son, who is quite tall and quite thin, and in high school was even thinner, had an all-yellow outfit for a choir concert once. I told him he could reuse it for Halloween if he got a conical black cap and put letters down the side of his leg that said TICONDEROGA. Still sorry he didn't take me up on it.

[finch]

igotthatreference.gif

But if they're all supposed to wear yellow that sounds more like the Jin, so I have Questions anyway. XD

[melannen]

LW must be Jingyi and Jin Ling's kid! You solved it!