Ask a Manager: how do I balance my own disability needs with cultural sensitivity at work?

[minoanmiss]

[n.b. That's not the best possible title. I think a more accurate one would be:
I'm Autistic. I have been invited to a pow-wow. How do I manage this?

I am the team lead for a project developing a new social service, and one substantial part of that new service will be specifically for indigenous communities. Our team is beginning a process of indigenous community engagement, and we are being met with a lot of wariness/skepticism due to the long history of non-indigenous people coming into indigenous communities and attempting to “develop services” that actually harm indigenous communities (ex. residential schools, the sixties scoop, etc).

In order to develop this relationship, our main indigenous contact has invited us to a pow-wow and has suggested that we should attend additional pow-wows and indigenous cultural events as a way to build trust with the indigenous community (and presumably as a gesture of goodwill to show that we are willing to approach indigenous communities with humility and as guests rather than experts). I think this could be a very valuable thing for our team to do and I am supportive of the idea.


However, I am autistic, and in general I find cultural events (including religious events, parades, parties, concerts, assemblies, live music, musical theater, etc.) very overstimulating. I get overwhelmed easily by loud music and by crowds, and from my research about pow-wows, I understand that they are likely to be both loud and crowded. Typically when I need to be in loud/crowded situations (ex. on an airplane), I bring noise-cancelling headphones and take breaks whenever I’m getting overwhelmed, or I often choose to leave early (ex. at parties). However, I am worried that these strategies would seem disrespectful and inappropriate at an indigenous cultural event and would serve to undermine the relationship I hope to build.

But I also worry that I may not be able to tolerate many hours of loud music/crowds without exhibiting noticeable signs of distress, and if I look like I’m not enjoying myself or if I’m fidgeting/agitated/doing the normal things I would do to reduce overstimulation, that would also undermine the relationship with indigenous communities and also set a bad example for my team. I’m not confident in my ability to “mask” sufficiently well in this kind of situation to avoid others noticing my discomfort, and I think my anxiety about the possibility of getting overstimulated would put me on edge for most of the day.

I’m not sure how to handle this. I think going to the pow-wow is important and necessary, since I’m the primary contact for this project and it’s important that indigenous community members see me there and see that I respect their culture and am willing to learn from them. I don’t think I can just send someone else in my place. I also don’t feel comfortable disclosing my disability or potential disability-related needs.

None of my colleagues know I’m autistic, and in the past when I have disclosed my autism at other jobs, I’ve either been disbelieved (because when people think of an autistic person, they’re not thinking of a very high-functioning early-30s woman with two master’s degrees from an Ivy League school and a director-level position at a big organization) or treated with kid gloves (because people have assumptions about autism that they apply to me and suddenly assume I’m incompletent at my job).

But I also know that unfamiliar social situations + loud music + crowds are all triggers for autistic overstimulation (and I generally avoid events outside of work as a result…I never go with colleagues to a bar or pub after work because I just can’t handle it), and the stakes here are pretty high…I need to make a good impression in order to make this project succeed, and while I’m good at my actual job, I am NOT good at unstructured/unfamiliar social situations, especially those that are loud and busy. Any advice would be appreciated!

Comments

[minoanmiss]

I think Alison needs to rethink which letters she hands over to her readers. I think in this case she should have asked an Indigenous liason or two to advise her (which was the second most popular piece of advice for the LW in the comments, after earplugs -- meh-- and before LYING wtf) as well as an autistic person with experience in managing events and so on. Most people who have no experience either dealing with autistic accomodations or speaking with Native American people as equals and superiors are just not going to have proper advice for this situation, as the comments show.

Also, only one person so far brought up the fact that LW's work initiative appears to be being crafted as something to impose on Indigenous people rather than being built from the ground up in partnership with Indigenous people, which is really important. (Others agreed with that person, at least.)

[conuly]

after earplugs -- meh-- and before LYING wtf

Yes, autistic people are known for our skillful ability to lie.

Of course, we're also known for our inability to do sarcasm, so now I don't even know where I'm going with this comment.

[minoanmiss]

Ahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahaha bwee

[ysobel]

Utterly dead now.

[hashiveinu]

Good news, LW: Indigenous spaces tend to be more friendly to a lot of autistic people's needs than equivalent gatherings in white culture! Indigenous cultures tend to be introvert-normed. Body language/nonverbals tend to be quieter. Mirroring isn't expected by default. Eye contact isn't a norm.

[kindkit]

This is my experience too. (I'm white, but my stepfather was Ojibwe and I grew up on a reservation.) But I think a powwow might still be challenging, with the drumming and singing and dancing and crowds. I don't think of a powwow as loud in the same way that a nightclub is loud, but it might still be too much to handle.

People generally come and go pretty freely during a powwow, as I recall, but if LW is there specifically to do outreach for her job, she's not going to have as much flexibility.

If I was going to give her advice, I'd suggest that she send a couple of her colleagues who like loud music and crowds to the powwow in her place, and for herself, schedule some community discussions about this project. It's a more comfortable space for her, and more important, it gives the local Indigenous community a chance to be heard and not just schmoozed at.

[hashiveinu]

That sounds like a good solution.

[harpers_child]

Dear LW, You're going to have to ask for a disability accommodation. That's going to be your best outcome for this. You don't have to tell the person you're asking why you need this accommodation, but if you want to attend you need to ask for help. You need to make yourself vulnerable to connect with this community.

Reach out to your contact. Say "My research into pow-wows and similar events indicates they can be loud and crowded spaces. I get overwhelmed in loud or crowded spaces. Would it be offensive if I wore my noise cancelling earphones to the pow-wow? If I can only attend for a short period of time, what event / time period would be best?"

(As a side note: As a AFAB nurodiverse individual I acknowledge it sucks super hard that you've had problems at work previously for divulging your neurodiverse status. I hope you end up in a place with a team you can trust enough to be professional when you do share that part of yourself.)

[cimorene]

That was my thought too - you're showing respect, and that requires honesty. The indigenous group is almost guaranteed to be more accomodating than her job, but trying to stay in the closet with work is an unfortunate wrinkle there.