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agonyaunt2022-10-20 03:31 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2022-10-20 03:31 pm
Entry tags:
Ask a Manager: how do I balance my own disability needs with cultural sensitivity at work?
[n.b. That's not the best possible title. I think a more accurate one would be:
I'm Autistic. I have been invited to a pow-wow. How do I manage this?
I am the team lead for a project developing a new social service, and one substantial part of that new service will be specifically for indigenous communities. Our team is beginning a process of indigenous community engagement, and we are being met with a lot of wariness/skepticism due to the long history of non-indigenous people coming into indigenous communities and attempting to “develop services” that actually harm indigenous communities (ex. residential schools, the sixties scoop, etc).
In order to develop this relationship, our main indigenous contact has invited us to a pow-wow and has suggested that we should attend additional pow-wows and indigenous cultural events as a way to build trust with the indigenous community (and presumably as a gesture of goodwill to show that we are willing to approach indigenous communities with humility and as guests rather than experts). I think this could be a very valuable thing for our team to do and I am supportive of the idea.
However, I am autistic, and in general I find cultural events (including religious events, parades, parties, concerts, assemblies, live music, musical theater, etc.) very overstimulating. I get overwhelmed easily by loud music and by crowds, and from my research about pow-wows, I understand that they are likely to be both loud and crowded. Typically when I need to be in loud/crowded situations (ex. on an airplane), I bring noise-cancelling headphones and take breaks whenever I’m getting overwhelmed, or I often choose to leave early (ex. at parties). However, I am worried that these strategies would seem disrespectful and inappropriate at an indigenous cultural event and would serve to undermine the relationship I hope to build.
But I also worry that I may not be able to tolerate many hours of loud music/crowds without exhibiting noticeable signs of distress, and if I look like I’m not enjoying myself or if I’m fidgeting/agitated/doing the normal things I would do to reduce overstimulation, that would also undermine the relationship with indigenous communities and also set a bad example for my team. I’m not confident in my ability to “mask” sufficiently well in this kind of situation to avoid others noticing my discomfort, and I think my anxiety about the possibility of getting overstimulated would put me on edge for most of the day.
I’m not sure how to handle this. I think going to the pow-wow is important and necessary, since I’m the primary contact for this project and it’s important that indigenous community members see me there and see that I respect their culture and am willing to learn from them. I don’t think I can just send someone else in my place. I also don’t feel comfortable disclosing my disability or potential disability-related needs.
None of my colleagues know I’m autistic, and in the past when I have disclosed my autism at other jobs, I’ve either been disbelieved (because when people think of an autistic person, they’re not thinking of a very high-functioning early-30s woman with two master’s degrees from an Ivy League school and a director-level position at a big organization) or treated with kid gloves (because people have assumptions about autism that they apply to me and suddenly assume I’m incompletent at my job).
But I also know that unfamiliar social situations + loud music + crowds are all triggers for autistic overstimulation (and I generally avoid events outside of work as a result…I never go with colleagues to a bar or pub after work because I just can’t handle it), and the stakes here are pretty high…I need to make a good impression in order to make this project succeed, and while I’m good at my actual job, I am NOT good at unstructured/unfamiliar social situations, especially those that are loud and busy. Any advice would be appreciated!
I'm Autistic. I have been invited to a pow-wow. How do I manage this?
I am the team lead for a project developing a new social service, and one substantial part of that new service will be specifically for indigenous communities. Our team is beginning a process of indigenous community engagement, and we are being met with a lot of wariness/skepticism due to the long history of non-indigenous people coming into indigenous communities and attempting to “develop services” that actually harm indigenous communities (ex. residential schools, the sixties scoop, etc).
In order to develop this relationship, our main indigenous contact has invited us to a pow-wow and has suggested that we should attend additional pow-wows and indigenous cultural events as a way to build trust with the indigenous community (and presumably as a gesture of goodwill to show that we are willing to approach indigenous communities with humility and as guests rather than experts). I think this could be a very valuable thing for our team to do and I am supportive of the idea.
However, I am autistic, and in general I find cultural events (including religious events, parades, parties, concerts, assemblies, live music, musical theater, etc.) very overstimulating. I get overwhelmed easily by loud music and by crowds, and from my research about pow-wows, I understand that they are likely to be both loud and crowded. Typically when I need to be in loud/crowded situations (ex. on an airplane), I bring noise-cancelling headphones and take breaks whenever I’m getting overwhelmed, or I often choose to leave early (ex. at parties). However, I am worried that these strategies would seem disrespectful and inappropriate at an indigenous cultural event and would serve to undermine the relationship I hope to build.
But I also worry that I may not be able to tolerate many hours of loud music/crowds without exhibiting noticeable signs of distress, and if I look like I’m not enjoying myself or if I’m fidgeting/agitated/doing the normal things I would do to reduce overstimulation, that would also undermine the relationship with indigenous communities and also set a bad example for my team. I’m not confident in my ability to “mask” sufficiently well in this kind of situation to avoid others noticing my discomfort, and I think my anxiety about the possibility of getting overstimulated would put me on edge for most of the day.
I’m not sure how to handle this. I think going to the pow-wow is important and necessary, since I’m the primary contact for this project and it’s important that indigenous community members see me there and see that I respect their culture and am willing to learn from them. I don’t think I can just send someone else in my place. I also don’t feel comfortable disclosing my disability or potential disability-related needs.
None of my colleagues know I’m autistic, and in the past when I have disclosed my autism at other jobs, I’ve either been disbelieved (because when people think of an autistic person, they’re not thinking of a very high-functioning early-30s woman with two master’s degrees from an Ivy League school and a director-level position at a big organization) or treated with kid gloves (because people have assumptions about autism that they apply to me and suddenly assume I’m incompletent at my job).
But I also know that unfamiliar social situations + loud music + crowds are all triggers for autistic overstimulation (and I generally avoid events outside of work as a result…I never go with colleagues to a bar or pub after work because I just can’t handle it), and the stakes here are pretty high…I need to make a good impression in order to make this project succeed, and while I’m good at my actual job, I am NOT good at unstructured/unfamiliar social situations, especially those that are loud and busy. Any advice would be appreciated!