Dear Abby: Grandparents disapprove of creative attire

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: While our 6-year-old enjoys the positive attention he receives from his often unusual and imaginative clothing choices, his grandparents feel we are being "disrespectful to others" by allowing him and our other children to wear these outfits in public.

Neither my husband nor I was permitted freedom of expression as children, and we agreed that with the exception of health, profanity, lewdness, immodesty and adherence to organizational dress codes, that we would not restrict our children's freedom of expression. While we often don't agree with our children's choice of attire, it seems prudent to choose the battles we fight.

Is anyone other than our parents actually offended by a pirate (sans weapon) in the dentist office, or a backward shirt at the grocery store? And if they are offended, does their desire not to see a costumed child trump my children's need for a healthy outlet for their individuality during this phase of their life over which they have so little control? -- CLARK KENT'S MOM

DEAR CLARK KENT'S MOM: I seriously doubt that anyone other than your parents and in-laws cares at all if your children visit the dentist looking like Clark Kent, a cowboy or his horse. As far as I'm concerned, your children should be allowed to exercise their sartorial creativity. It's harmless. A few years from now they'll be getting pressure from peers about fitting in, so let them enjoy themselves while they can.

Comments

[cereta]

(I thought we could use a lighter topic ;).)

I just bought my daughter a Supergirl dress at Target. Not a costume: a dress. The kid wears a uniform five days a week. If she wants to be Supergirl on the weekend, she can darn well be Supergirl.

[watersword]

I want my friends (who want kids) to have children specifically so I can buy the kids Halloween costumes for year-round use.

[cereta]

You know, with little girls in particular, the clothing industry pushes them to grow up so early and so fast. If you've got a kid who wants to resist that, embrace it!

[left_turns]

Wellll, I think there's a line.

If you're taking your kids to a wedding or a funeral or something, or the kind of fancy dinner out where you end up spending twenty/thirty-plus dollars per adult before tax and tip, then I could see it being a beginning lesson in "there are places where it isn't appropriate to wear whatever you damn well please, and people will be upset if you do." Even things like the backwards shirt at the grocery, or say, their underpants outside of their skirt/shorts/pants or something covered in jelly, well, there I don't think it would be completely wrong to say to a six-year-old, "sorry honey, if you want to wear that when you come with me, you have to put it together right"/"you have to wear something cleaner." Strangely enough, if some kid wants to dress like a princess while they're running errands, the idea of that bugs me less than wearing normal clothes in ways that seem slobby--inside out or backwards or whatever.

But if they're just going to McDonalds and Target and things, I honestly don't even understand the issue with small children wearing costumes or clashing colors or whatever qualifies as "disrespectful" here. They're little kids. They're weird. That's what they do.

[tielan]

Yeah, some things, you wear to the dress code. (In Australia, at school there are school uniforms, even for public schools. You wear to the dress code.)

But at home? Out to the shops or friends' places? I don't see why not.

[vass]

If it's an event with a dress code, I agree. I think the LW covered the underpants thing under immodesty.

I don't see the issue with the backwards shirt at the grocery store either, so long as it covers everything it's supposed to cover and doesn't smell.

[minoanmiss]

Rock on, kiddo! Yay parents! Wear what you want.

The other day I saw a little boy in the 6-8 rrange wearing a shirt saying "I am secure enough to wear pink" or the like. I made sure to compliment him, and he beamed while his dad rolled his eyes.