agonyaunt | (no subject)

(no subject)

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who has recently separated from an abusive husband. I've always had feelings for her, and I recently let her know about them. My problem is, it seems like I have to walk through broken glass just for her to talk to me. Last week, I had emergency surgery, and even though she said she would, she never visited. Now that I'm out of the hospital, nothing has changed. Must I just let her go and forget about her? -- WANTS A CHANCE IN COLORADO

DEAR WANTS: You mentioned that this "friend" recently separated from an abusive husband. You did not say she was divorced. The woman you are trying to pursue has been damaged. She may not be ready for a romantic relationship for a very long time. Her actions show she is not interested in you, so, YES, let her go and look for someone who can reciprocate your feelings.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2733024

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If LW cannot simply be friends with somebody who has gone through significant emotional and practical upheaval after suffering from an abusive relationship, but instead is insistent on thinking about whether or not he has a chance to get in her pants, then he should definitely "let her go and forget about her", for her own sake.

Because he's not acting like a very good friend. And I get that under normal circumstances you want your friends to visit you in the hospital when you have emergency surgery, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Again, this woman has just left an abusive relationship. She's probably still getting her shit together. And how dare he dump his feelings on her during this time!?

Yes. She might have visited him in hospital if he hadn't thrown himself at her.

She 'recently' separated and he 'recently' let her know his feelings. It sounds as if he wasted no time making his move.

YUP! and ooh look I want you to take care of ME ME ME now that you aren't with him. It isn't a good look.

Also, there's a letter at the bottom of this column about graduation money that I feel should've been directed towards Miss Manners, who would have ripped him an excruciatingly correct new one.

*her, but apart from that, I agree.

I don't know what it is about advice columns, but I keep getting pronouns wrong with them.

Gross. Reminds me of a vulture waiting for a kill.

Dear LW:

Yes.

No love,

Yrs,

Etc.

I wonder if the friend is named Ekaterin Vorsoisson?

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

🔥

I dunno; even Miles was a tad less self-centered.

Oh I wasn't thinking of Miles. I was thinking of the dude who she had to hit in the nose when he tried to take Nikki away. Miles was just Dramatic, like his father before him (Cordelia must have laughed so hard).

🤣

"Woe is me! This woman who's recently separated from an abusive spouse isn't tending to my needs adequately! Doesn't she know that because I have FEEFEES for her, I should now be the center of her life?"

LW's "friend" should continue to dodge the bullet that is LW.

Dear LW: Your friend likely needs time to recover (emotionally and mentally, perhaps physically or financially) from the abusive relationship she just escaped. You did not give her the chance to recover before disencumbering yourself of your feelings. Now your friend knows how little you value her needs and her feelings, so it is unlikely she will ever return yours. You need to let her go.

Now your friend knows how little you value her needs and her feelings

Not to mention her physical safety. What if her abusive ex, whom she just left, was also aware that LW was in the hospital and she might try to visit?

Dear LW: I have almost been in your shoes. I discovered that the person I had feelings for was trapped in a terrible relationship, and the more I learned about it, the more I became convinced they were being abused.

Do you know what I did? I switched from Courtship Of Someone I Thought Might Be In An Open Relationship mode, to Extract My Dear Friend From This Mess mode, and discreetly recruited others of our mutual friends to help, and to provide checks on me to make sure I wasn't overreaching.

Please consider what she must be going through right now, now that it's safe for her to start having some of the feelings of terror and rage she may have had to hide while she was still in the presence of her soon-to-be-former husband. Perhaps read up on the healing process for someone who has exited the company of someone who abused them. You may be walking on broken glass; she is still walking on knives that are on fire.

Above all, do not expect her to support you while she is still healing, and do not make your support contingent upon her reciprocating your feelings. If you can't do that, then the best thing would be for you to wish her well and graciously withdraw.

"But I want to abuse her toooooo!"

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