(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who has recently separated from an abusive husband. I've always had feelings for her, and I recently let her know about them. My problem is, it seems like I have to walk through broken glass just for her to talk to me. Last week, I had emergency surgery, and even though she said she would, she never visited. Now that I'm out of the hospital, nothing has changed. Must I just let her go and forget about her? -- WANTS A CHANCE IN COLORADO

DEAR WANTS: You mentioned that this "friend" recently separated from an abusive husband. You did not say she was divorced. The woman you are trying to pursue has been damaged. She may not be ready for a romantic relationship for a very long time. Her actions show she is not interested in you, so, YES, let her go and look for someone who can reciprocate your feelings.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2733024

Comments

[azurelunatic]

Dear LW: I have almost been in your shoes. I discovered that the person I had feelings for was trapped in a terrible relationship, and the more I learned about it, the more I became convinced they were being abused.

Do you know what I did? I switched from Courtship Of Someone I Thought Might Be In An Open Relationship mode, to Extract My Dear Friend From This Mess mode, and discreetly recruited others of our mutual friends to help, and to provide checks on me to make sure I wasn't overreaching.

Please consider what she must be going through right now, now that it's safe for her to start having some of the feelings of terror and rage she may have had to hide while she was still in the presence of her soon-to-be-former husband. Perhaps read up on the healing process for someone who has exited the company of someone who abused them. You may be walking on broken glass; she is still walking on knives that are on fire.

Above all, do not expect her to support you while she is still healing, and do not make your support contingent upon her reciprocating your feelings. If you can't do that, then the best thing would be for you to wish her well and graciously withdraw.