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agonyaunt2022-10-05 02:59 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2022-10-05 02:59 pm
Entry tags:
How to Do It: Getting back to, ahem, business after having a baby
Content advisory: childbirth, sex.
My husband and I recently had a baby. It was a vaginal birth and according to my doctor, it all went well. There was an episiotomy and I struggled with the recovery. Now, almost three months later my doctor gave the green light. But I am terrified to try having sex. My husband does not mind at all and is willing to wait as long as I need to feel not terrified at the thought of penetration. I know we could explore other ways to have fun but the thing is, I love penetrative sex. I have tried masturbating and everything works fine down there (I was genuinely concerned the fear would paralyze my clit and I would not be able to have an orgasm, but thankfully that is not the case). My question is: How do you get back on (or under) that horse after what felt like but was not a traumatic experience for your vagina?
—Horny But Terrified
Dear Horny But Terrified,
Congratulations on your new family member. The closest I could find to a definition for trauma experienced in childbirth is this paper by Mari Greenfield, Julie Jomeen, and Dr. Lesley Glover, which attempts to lay the groundwork for one. Regardless of the T-word, this transition you’ve just undergone, along with the associated medical procedures, is pretty intense, so I hope you’re giving yourself patience. Your feelings and hesitance are valid.
I spoke with Sylvie Bee, a sexological bodyworker who entered the field because of her own postpartum experiences. Her first recommendation is to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist for an exam, which can evaluate whether any of your muscles are overly tense, in need of strengthening, or otherwise a hurdle to enjoyable penetration. Sylvie told me that pelvic floor specialists are usually happy to perform these exams, and you can usually schedule an appointment with them directly. Regardless of whether therapy is needed, pregnancy and birth is likely to have changed what feels good for you. Depending on the legality in your area, a sexological bodyworker can help you methodically map out your current pleasure zones. (If a bodyworker requires you to have seen a pelvic floor specialist first, that’s a good sign.) You can also do this—slowly, with a lot of lube and even more patience—alone or with your husband. Try different types of stimulation—stroking lightly and firmly, tapping, massaging—in different areas and make note of what feels good.
If you’re experiencing increasing anxiety, or feeling stuck, it’s worth asking for a referral to a mental health professional who specializes in new parents.
My husband and I recently had a baby. It was a vaginal birth and according to my doctor, it all went well. There was an episiotomy and I struggled with the recovery. Now, almost three months later my doctor gave the green light. But I am terrified to try having sex. My husband does not mind at all and is willing to wait as long as I need to feel not terrified at the thought of penetration. I know we could explore other ways to have fun but the thing is, I love penetrative sex. I have tried masturbating and everything works fine down there (I was genuinely concerned the fear would paralyze my clit and I would not be able to have an orgasm, but thankfully that is not the case). My question is: How do you get back on (or under) that horse after what felt like but was not a traumatic experience for your vagina?
—Horny But Terrified
Dear Horny But Terrified,
Congratulations on your new family member. The closest I could find to a definition for trauma experienced in childbirth is this paper by Mari Greenfield, Julie Jomeen, and Dr. Lesley Glover, which attempts to lay the groundwork for one. Regardless of the T-word, this transition you’ve just undergone, along with the associated medical procedures, is pretty intense, so I hope you’re giving yourself patience. Your feelings and hesitance are valid.
I spoke with Sylvie Bee, a sexological bodyworker who entered the field because of her own postpartum experiences. Her first recommendation is to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist for an exam, which can evaluate whether any of your muscles are overly tense, in need of strengthening, or otherwise a hurdle to enjoyable penetration. Sylvie told me that pelvic floor specialists are usually happy to perform these exams, and you can usually schedule an appointment with them directly. Regardless of whether therapy is needed, pregnancy and birth is likely to have changed what feels good for you. Depending on the legality in your area, a sexological bodyworker can help you methodically map out your current pleasure zones. (If a bodyworker requires you to have seen a pelvic floor specialist first, that’s a good sign.) You can also do this—slowly, with a lot of lube and even more patience—alone or with your husband. Try different types of stimulation—stroking lightly and firmly, tapping, massaging—in different areas and make note of what feels good.
If you’re experiencing increasing anxiety, or feeling stuck, it’s worth asking for a referral to a mental health professional who specializes in new parents.
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