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agonyaunt2022-08-18 05:38 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2022-08-18 05:38 pm
Entry tags:
Dear Prudence: I cannot even.
(Not the original title. Contents include: busy wife and jealous husband. also small children. Yes, you've seen this before.)
Dear Prudence,
My wife is an amazing woman. Amazing mother (couldn’t and wouldn’t ask for more).
A great provider (working a shitty job now so we can live more comfortably). A great wife (loyal, honest, and a team player). My best friend (period, no doubts, no regrets, my best friend for the rest of my life). The one aspect that falls short in my perception is our love life.
I was transferring files from our old computer to the new one recently and ran across old pictures of her and her high school/college boyfriends (some of them racy). I got jealous. Not because she had sexual relationships with them or loved them. I got jealous because it shows an amount of effort that I feel is missing, particularly in our intimate life. She put on makeup, put on an outfit, took pictures, sexually experimented with them, initiated sex, and had foreplay with them, and I’m sure other things that pushed her outside her comfort zone in order to impress/show that she cared/desired/wanted them.
In my mind, as her husband I thought I would get, at the very least, an equal amount of effort, and because I do not I think myself lesser than these previous partners in her eyes—less desirable, less cared for, less loved, less wanted. It depresses me. I have asked, nagged, pleaded, begged, bribed, and guilted her into doing a fraction of that, and my own self-worth falls because of it. I see the only way to get her to do those things is if she just wants to shut me up.
I know she puts forth so much effort on all the other fronts of her life in order to make a great life for her kids/family that it physically and emotionally exhausts her. Can I ask for more without being selfish?
— B+ for Effort
Dear B+,
I think we can figure this out. You simply have to recreate the situation your wife was in when she was taking the time to put on makeup and take racy pictures in high school and college. So you need to make more money so she can quit her shitty job and have more time to focus on herself. Of course, she’ll also have to have little to no responsibility around the house or for children, so make sure you have that covered. Next, you want to try to recreate the kinds of relationships she had back when she was taking those photos. That means you have to look and dress like a 16-to-21 year old. Be young and cool—I don’t have a roadmap to get there, but hopefully you do. And of course, you’ll want the accompanying body. Then (and this is where it might get tricky) you have to become someone she desires, wants, and really wants to impress, so get to work on that. Just a guess: The whole nagging, complaining victim thing probably isn’t the right approach. The guys from her past liked her exactly as she was, so you’ll have to convey that you think she’s perfect now. In short: Become a completely different person in a way that’s pretty much impossible given your current reality, and who knows, maybe she will, too.
Dear Prudence,
My wife is an amazing woman. Amazing mother (couldn’t and wouldn’t ask for more).
A great provider (working a shitty job now so we can live more comfortably). A great wife (loyal, honest, and a team player). My best friend (period, no doubts, no regrets, my best friend for the rest of my life). The one aspect that falls short in my perception is our love life.
I was transferring files from our old computer to the new one recently and ran across old pictures of her and her high school/college boyfriends (some of them racy). I got jealous. Not because she had sexual relationships with them or loved them. I got jealous because it shows an amount of effort that I feel is missing, particularly in our intimate life. She put on makeup, put on an outfit, took pictures, sexually experimented with them, initiated sex, and had foreplay with them, and I’m sure other things that pushed her outside her comfort zone in order to impress/show that she cared/desired/wanted them.
In my mind, as her husband I thought I would get, at the very least, an equal amount of effort, and because I do not I think myself lesser than these previous partners in her eyes—less desirable, less cared for, less loved, less wanted. It depresses me. I have asked, nagged, pleaded, begged, bribed, and guilted her into doing a fraction of that, and my own self-worth falls because of it. I see the only way to get her to do those things is if she just wants to shut me up.
I know she puts forth so much effort on all the other fronts of her life in order to make a great life for her kids/family that it physically and emotionally exhausts her. Can I ask for more without being selfish?
— B+ for Effort
Dear B+,
I think we can figure this out. You simply have to recreate the situation your wife was in when she was taking the time to put on makeup and take racy pictures in high school and college. So you need to make more money so she can quit her shitty job and have more time to focus on herself. Of course, she’ll also have to have little to no responsibility around the house or for children, so make sure you have that covered. Next, you want to try to recreate the kinds of relationships she had back when she was taking those photos. That means you have to look and dress like a 16-to-21 year old. Be young and cool—I don’t have a roadmap to get there, but hopefully you do. And of course, you’ll want the accompanying body. Then (and this is where it might get tricky) you have to become someone she desires, wants, and really wants to impress, so get to work on that. Just a guess: The whole nagging, complaining victim thing probably isn’t the right approach. The guys from her past liked her exactly as she was, so you’ll have to convey that you think she’s perfect now. In short: Become a completely different person in a way that’s pretty much impossible given your current reality, and who knows, maybe she will, too.
no subject
I'd advise babysitters and date nights but I don't know if I want to facilitate his badgering his wife even more.
no subject
no subject
Yeah, seriously. And how much did he see her discomfort?
LW, teenage girls who take racy pics for their HS boyfriends may be doing it because it feels great. They also may have been coerced, or maybe felt they had to be quote-unquote sex positive to keep their boyfriends, or they felt it was what all the other girls did. Teenagers make unwise decisions about sex, my dude!
Then again, given "nagged, pleaded, begged, bribed, and guilted her", having a wife who feels pressured into making unwise decisions about sex sound like about what you want.
no subject
Wait you can tell all that just from those pictures? 🥴
This really doesn't make you look good, my dude. I hope you're just being dramatic, you seem to enjoy using as many words as you can think of lol
not that I can judge I guessno subject
A young woman at college in an exploratory time of life has more time and enthusiasm for sexual experimentation vs a married woman in a shitty job with a partner who seems to not only feel that her sexual involvement is his due but also her sexual enthusiasm/experimentation?
I simply cannot imagine what the problem is.
no subject
I am dying over here. DYING.
Warning for possible dub-con
Also were I advising the wife, given that the husband seems to think he's entitled to have HER go outside her sexual comfort zone for HIM, I would suggest that turnabout is fair play and that if her husband really wants to spice up their sex life, she could mention (insert femdom/malesub activity that appeals to her here: spank him, peg him, make him wear a cock cage--- actually, seriously on the last one, given his behavior, "every time you pester me for sex, the cock cage goes on and stays for n length of time"--- and, seriously, dude, try thinking of it as orgasm denial kink. Actually, I bet at this point the wife would be VERY into deliberately and knowingly denying him sexual gratification as a kink.)
Re: Warning for possible dub-con
omg brilliant
Re: Warning for possible dub-con
Re: Warning for possible dub-con
(Like, Dommes need the dishes done and want to watch TV in their pajamas periodically, it can’t all be OMG EDGING ORGASM DENIAL all the damn time, 24/7.)
I love your advice! I just hate to have to report that Whiny Dudes Gonna Whiny Dude.
(Yes, it happens with other gender combinations and kinks and roles, but this happens to be a dynamic that I’ve observed repeatedly, when a romantic/live-in partnership overlaps with expectations that the D-type be “on” 100% of the time. It’s exhausting!)
Not my particular cup of pervy tea, but I’ve had the opportunity to watch it happen up-close.
Re: Warning for possible dub-con
Re: Warning for possible dub-con
no subject