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Miss Manners: To Clean Your Plate or Not to Clean Your Plate
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My girlfriend is very particular about table manners. She makes a point of leaving a scattering of food on her plate at the end of a meal rather than finishing every crumb as I do.
I know it only amounts to one or two forkfuls, but having traveled extensively in very poor countries, I think this is wasteful and absurd. The plates are also harder to wash. What are your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: That she would like to be excused before someone discovers her responsibility in this matter. But that would be cowardly.
The sad truth is that a century ago, it was indeed the case that children in families that could afford it were taught not to finish everything on their plates. The embarrassing part is that the rule was phrased as "Leave something for Miss Manners" (and in England, "Leave something for Lady Manners").
So yes, while some people were starving, others were wasting food. Miss Manners was not starving, because she got all the rich folks' leftovers.
It was Eleanor Roosevelt's grandmother who repealed this rule. As recounted in Mrs. Roosevelt's "Book of Common Sense Etiquette": "My grandmother came to believe that food was needed in the world and we who had an abundance should not waste it."
Miss Manners agrees -- thoroughly and, as you might notice, selflessly.
I know it only amounts to one or two forkfuls, but having traveled extensively in very poor countries, I think this is wasteful and absurd. The plates are also harder to wash. What are your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: That she would like to be excused before someone discovers her responsibility in this matter. But that would be cowardly.
The sad truth is that a century ago, it was indeed the case that children in families that could afford it were taught not to finish everything on their plates. The embarrassing part is that the rule was phrased as "Leave something for Miss Manners" (and in England, "Leave something for Lady Manners").
So yes, while some people were starving, others were wasting food. Miss Manners was not starving, because she got all the rich folks' leftovers.
It was Eleanor Roosevelt's grandmother who repealed this rule. As recounted in Mrs. Roosevelt's "Book of Common Sense Etiquette": "My grandmother came to believe that food was needed in the world and we who had an abundance should not waste it."
Miss Manners agrees -- thoroughly and, as you might notice, selflessly.
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2. The problem of food waste in the US is real, as is the problem of starvation and food insecurity.
3. Those problems are not going to be affected by the LW cleaning his plate or his girlfriend leaving two bites on hers.
4. Eating "every crumb" whether you are hungry for it or not is not exactly a healthy eating practice.
5. Fixating on a relatively small practice is not exactly healthy relationship behavior.
6. A much more effective way to address starvation and food insecurity would be to donate to or volunteer at a food bank or soup kitchen.
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Like, you know, CHINA. Which is not actually noted for having a small population.
ETA I am whitey mcwhiterson and have never visited China; this is my good-faith understanding of how to be polite in relevant contexts but I am very willing to be corrected on it if I'm wrong.
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Totally. I try not to serve myself too much food, but if someone else has served me, they often give me too much. Once it's there, it's either going to waste on my plate, or going to waste in my stomach - in which case I'll be uncomfortable, overfull, and paying less attention to what my appetite says, which I'd say is unhealthy.
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I was taught to keep your eyes on your own plate, mind your own food, and not be nosy about what other people did or did not eat.
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But beyond that kind of solicitude, to draw attention to how someone eats is so rude, to me. Just. *shakes head*
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I wish this were the norm. I really do. I want to live in this universe SO MUCH.
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*waves hands* Especially in this kind of way? Like a letter that went "I feel like this is insulting to our hosts, how do I talk to her about it" because she does it at someone else's house and LW has good solid reason to believe that the hosts are being hurt by it . . .that's more understandable, because what he's asking for is advice communicating in a way that will work.
But this appears to just be . . . asking Miss Manners to Pronounce Judgement on his partner's eating habits for no particular purpose, which is so rude to me. So rude.
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Okay. Reining in the FEELINGSBOMB. LW, quit policing how other people eat, especially ones with whom you are possibly having physical intimacy because wow, no. You eat what and how you want and let your GF do the same. (Ugh, food policing, we hatessssssssssssss iiiiiiiiiiiiiit, precioussssssssssssssss.)
Also, seconding everything ever about what
And I have all the UGH about being made to "clean your plate", whether or not you want to. (My mom was raised with that and she still struggles with it in a variety of ways. I am forever grateful that she fought off her own upbringing and taught/allowed me to eat as much as I wanted and not more than that.)
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