Dear Prudence: I Want to Betray My Friend’s Last Dying Wish and Get Rid of Her Spoiled Dogs.

[minoanmiss]

Tired of Shih-Tzu: A few years ago my wealthy, eccentric friend asked if I’d be willing to be the guardian of her three spoiled Shih-Tzus if anything ever happened to her. I laughed and said sure. Well, my friend must have been psychic, because she recently passed away from an aggressive form of cancer. I was surprised to find myself in the will as the new owner of the dogs, plus a hefty trust for their care, the remainder of which will pay out to me once they’re gone if they’re still in my care. It could potentially be enough to pay off my student loans.

The only problem is that I HATE these dogs. I am not a little, yappy dog kind of person. They have stupid names (Blanche, Dorothy, and Rose) that I am embarrassed to share at the dog park. They are not well trained; in the past month alone, they have stolen a piece of Amish-made pie my sister brought me from the country; peed on my date’s shoes just as things were heating up (he did not call again); and ingested a shoelace, requiring costly surgery (the trust paid, but I still had to take time off work and administer meds to an unhappy dog).

Some days I’m ready to give up the money and call a rescue, but I feel obligated to follow through with this promise. My friend even wrote me a lovely letter about how she felt at peace knowing her “golden girls” would be well cared for. I also suspect that if I gave them up they’d end up all going to different homes, and I feel guilty because they really are bonded.

Other days I feel like finding them good homes would be enough to fulfill the promise, but the potential money makes me pause. These dogs could easily live for 5+ more years. What should I do?

A. The right thing to do would be to commit yourself to finding a Shih-Tzu lover who would adore these innocent animals as much as your friend did, and send all three of them to their new, loving home (along with the money from the trust, if possible). I actually think this would be possible without breaking up the Golden Girls. They aren’t mutts, they’re expensive fancy dogs. Someone would love to have them. And no pet deserves an owner who hates them.

But, let’s be real: I know part of you would really like to care for them until the end of their lives so you can pocket that extra money and pay off your student loans. And I completely get it. Freeing yourself from that kind of debt could be life-changing. So the slightly less right but still OK thing to do here is to find a way to keep the dogs and make sure they enjoy the kind of life your late friend envisioned for them—without annoying the hell out of you.

This is going to mean spending some of the money on a really good trainer and a quality dog walker (the kind who will give them the love and affection they’re probably not getting from you). Surely their behavior can improve with a little work. And paying someone else to take them out for exercise every day will mean you won’t be embarrassed at the dog park when you have to introduce them. Your friend must have misjudged your feelings about these animals and the extent to which you’d want to engage with them. But you can live up to her belief that you’re the kind of person who will keep them safe and give them a good life.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

I think the friend knew LW full well and went to her grave giggling.

[cimorene]

Even if they thought the friend was joking, they pretty much brought this all on themselves by saying yes! There was nothing stopping them from laughing and saying "I think one of these little handfuls would be too much for me to wrangle, let alone three" instead!

Also... they're a complete dick and a bad dog owner.

[ashbet]

I do think that a qualified behavior trainer and a walker, paid-for by the trust, would be a good option regardless — well-behaved dogs are going to be a LOT easier to deal with, whether LW keeps or rehomes them.

[julian]

It's like putting money into a house so you can flip it for more. Put more of the trust money than you'd like into it, get them better trained and happier, and then see where you want to go from there. It may not, in the end, pay off *all* of your student loans, but if promises mean things...

But also, LW's friend: don't do this sort of thing on the basis of one small conversation. Discuss. (Though possibly this is the LW minimizing the discussion(s) they and the friend had.)

[kutsuwamushi]

Why would anyone be embarrassed about those names!

[conuly]

Okay, well... I don't dislike LW per se, but...

1. Those aren't stupid or embarrassing names at all and LW needs to get over themself at the dog park and elsewhere

2. Instead of - or in addition to - a dogwalker, has LW considered doggy daycare?

3. This bad behavior actually sounds about what I'd expect from dogs who have just lost their human and consequently had a big upheaval in their lives. Especially when the person they're now with doesn't know how to dogcare correctly. More walks, food has to be kept out of reach. It's like having a child. Sure, you TELL your three year old not to take other people's cookies without asking, but just in case, you put the cookies out of reach.

[ethelmay]

Also, surely it's not legally enforceable that the dogs must be called by those names? The LW could call them anything they liked. (Personally I like the Golden Girls names, but it's not my problem.)

[laurajv]

This is such a weird letter, you know?

THEY ARE DOGS. THEY ACT LIKE DOGS.

They are probably dogs who need more training and stability, and I pretty much agree with the advice to use the trust to provide that.

[movingfinger]

One thing I learned from fairy tales is never to agree to something in jest that I would not agree to in earnest.

LW needs to get a midday walker, yes, and a trainer to teach both the dogs and themself how to adjust to the new situation. And they could look for a heart and a sense of humor, because I would dress Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose up in suitable accessories and parade them all over the Castro, if I could. How are these dogs not dog park celebrities already.

[laurajv]

blanche would have a collar with so much bling if she were mine

they would all have a wardrobe based on the show. i can sew. i can make that happen.

i would buy a fourth dog and name it sophia

[minoanmiss]

i would buy a fourth dog and name it sophia


It shoudl be a puppy, ahahahahahahah

[cereta]

No one who thinks "Blanche, Dorothy, and Rose" are stupid names that one must be embarrassed about gets my sympathy.

These dogs may be getting their physical needs met, but they're not loved. Find them a new home and pay off your own student loans

[minoanmiss]

Perfect icon is perfect.

I just can't stop giggling. This is pretty close to the plot of The Aristocats, innit? I think Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy should set off on a kids' movie adventure to find their true home. And take the will with them, strapped to Rose's back.

*giggle giggle giggle giggle giggle*