Dear Prudence: My Annoying Aunt Claims She’s “Allergic” to MSG, So I Slipped Some in Her Food to Se

[minoanmiss]

Didn’t Poison Anyone: My aunt has always been a hypochondriac and attention-seeker. A few years ago, she decided she was allergic to MSG, and since then every family gathering revolves around this “allergy.” She insists on approving ingredients in anything anyone cooks because she claims it’s in all kinds of products. She’s made events, including my graduation party, all about her by feigning illness and saying she knows there must have been MSG in something. I wanted to know for sure if she actually was, so I made a sweet and salty dessert with added msg, and lo and behold, she ate it and was fine. I never meant for her to find out, but I shared the recipe with a friend, it got back to my cousin, and now my whole family knows. My aunt accused me of trying to poison her and refuses to come to any events that I’m attending. My parents just want me to apologize, but to me, this is not a bad outcome. Am I in the wrong here?

A. Whether or not you believed your aunt’s allergy claim, it’s very bold to conduct your own experiment in an uncontrolled setting just to find out. What was your plan if you were wrong? Also, no offense, but this was sloppy. You did a bad science experiment and then you got caught? Yikes. Hang up the lab coat. I think you’re wrong here and you should apologize because even though she may have been exaggerating her illness, you overstepped and made a mess.

Q. Re: Didn’t Poison Anyone: Yes, your aunt is annoying and difficult, yet you still seem to think it’s okay to adulterate food to see if someone is going to have an allergic reaction. You still seem to see this on the level of prank, when it isn’t. There are much better ways to handle the situation, including telling your aunt to bring her own food to family get-togethers since she has such concerns. All you have done is given her more material to make everyone else’s life difficult.

A. Agreed completely. I try to approach every letter with a lot of empathy and equanimity, but this LW not only chose the worst possible way of handling this non-issue but doesn’t feel any remorse. Sheesh!

Q. Re: Didn’t Poison Anyone: I think it’s worth reiterating: Never, EVER test somebody’s claimed allergies by feeding them the purported allergen. If you’re wrong and they have a severe reaction, they could end up in the hospital (at the very least). If you think somebody is exaggerating or faking an allergy to seek attention, then try a simpler, more direct route: Stop inviting them to social occasions.

A. This comment reminds me of an incident from middle school—I have an allergy to nuts that got worse as I got older. Once a friend told me—after I’d eaten a bite of a snack—that it had nuts in it. The anxiety alone prompted some symptoms to begin. She then told me she was kidding, but that didn’t stop whatever my adrenaline was doing to my body. Unless you’re an allergist, keep your tests to yourself.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

LW: You horrid little miscreant. Your family should disown you.

I will never ever forget when a former friend accused me of being the kind of person who would do this. I still feel that my honor has been stained. I am aghast to see someone actually adulterate a family member's food, no matter HOW freaking annoying that family member is. And I can't believe Eric's reprimand was so soft, especially given the revelation that he has allergies.

The MSG sensitivity is controversial, but I do think some people actually have it. Either way that doesn't mean we conduct unauthorized human testing. Wtf. There should be some things that are not used as punishment no matter the misdeed, because we are supposed to be ethical human beings. Sexual assault should be on that list, and so should adulterating food.

[lilysea]

I have a reaction to MSG that includes migraines and tachycardia (rapid heart rate, at its worst requires an EEG). It occurs whether or not I know there is MSG in the food

- that is, I have eaten food that I thought did NOT contain MSG, had migraines/tachycardia, and then discovered through asking questions that actually there WAS MSG in that food.

There was definitely a demonizing of MSG in the 1970s/1980s that came from racist, anti-Asian origins, and most people can eat MSG without ill effects,

but that doesn't mean that *no one* has bad experiences from MSG.

I get so angry when people say "MSG intolerance isn't real, there's glutamates in tomatoes"

a) dose matters

b) tomatoes can give me migraines, too

[lethe1]

Yes, I remember my uncle becoming unwell while eating in a restaurant and we didn't know what was going on, but the diagnosis was MSG.

[lemonsharks]

I’d hazard that most people who claim to have msg sensitivity either have racism, hypochondria, or both. However, it is still NOT ON to feed them something they won’t eat without telling them.

(People who do have glutamate sensitivity tend to come, apologetically, with a list of other foods they can’t eat. People with racism and hypochondria tend to come with “no it’s just the msg; your award winning mushroom and parmesan tomato ragout is fine!” (While eating a bag of cool ranch Doritos)

So imo if someone tells you that you don’t need to decontaminate your kitchen of glutamates, while it’s still not ok to feed them msg on purpose, it IS ok to take them at their word.

[dabbleswithpoisons]

Right? Like, it is true that most people who claim to be allergic to MSG are actually not, it's very rare to be, and it's one of those things like gluten that became kind of a trend and that there's a lot of misinformation about.
But *it is also true* that if a thing exists, then so does someone somewhere who reacts badly to it. Rare allergies and sensitivities exist, histamine intolerance and MCAS exist, and even if you're pretty damn sure your aunt isn't that person, you don't have the right to make that decision for her.
I don't care what the reason is, you just don't ever override someone else's decisions about what they want to put in their body. The aunt has the right to decide not eat MSG, even if you think her reasons are dumb and annoying. Even if they actually are dumb and annoying!
People *die* because of attitudes like LP's, and even if it seems that she's probably right that aunt's not actually allergic, she cannot know that for sure and even if she does it's *not actually the point*.

[conuly]

I’d hazard that most people who claim to have msg sensitivity either have racism, hypochondria, or both. However, it is still NOT ON to feed them something they won’t eat without telling them.

My mother swears she can't have MSG.

When she had cancer, one of the few things she was both willing and able to eat - and she was extremely specific when spelling this out! - was Campbell's condensed soups, particularly Cream of Mushroom and Cream of Chicken.

I happened to glance at the ingredients one day and discovered that one of the first three ingredients is MSG. No surprise there, but I never told her. She didn't have any ill effects, no more than she's had from eating other foods that certainly have MSG (like various chip brands) both before and after the cancer.

To be fair, I suppose it's *possible* that at one point in her life they were a migraine trigger... but the migraines mostly ended for her after menopause, so if they ever were, they aren't now.

[cereta]

Migraines can be really complicated. An overall propensity to them can make you more or less sensitive to triggers. There were years that chocolate sometimes made my headaches worse and sometimes didn't; there were years when it had no effect at all; there have been years now that every single time I eat it, my headache gets worse. Each of these stages corresponded with how bad/frequent my migraines were overall. A fair number of women have a decrease or even surcease of migraines after menopause, and when that happens, they become less sensitive to things that were triggers when the headaches were more common.

Obviously, I don't know your mom or her case or her behavior. But just as a general information-to-the-public thing, migraine triggers can come and go over time.

[topaz_eyes]

Jfc LW! You never, *ever* adulterate *anyone's* food at any time. And LW, you don't joke about it either. It's not just allergies: Celiac disease/gluten intolerance is still not taken seriously by some people. People with diabetes could end up in life-threatening crisis if you switch out regular pop for diet pop or vice versa. LW, you accept people's food explanations at face value whether you agree or not. Sure it may be an inconvenience for you, but you don't know what it means for them.

[rmc28]

I'm really annoyed by the flat statement that LW's aunt "feigned illness". Oh yes, someone says they're feeling ill at a large family event, they must be lying for the attention. What would you lose by treating them as though they were unwell?

[ambyr]

For the record, I know the person who wrote this letter, and it is a fake letter. I assume they knew what the answer would be and wanted it to prove a point. No actual aunts have been harmed.

[cimorene]

What point? You mean they were talking to people who thought this response wasn't likely??

[ambyr]

I mean, I suspect that the writer is struggling with someone ignoring allergy issues and has made up a fake scenario to get the desired response (“ignoring allergy issues is bad!”) so they can show it to the guilty parties in hopes that the columnist will be listened to when they weren’t.

It’s my impression that a lot of advice column letters are written in this reverse way. I dunno that helps anyone, really, but it’s a long tradition.

[ashbet]

Hopefully, they can get the people disregarding (or attempted-poisoning) their allergy issues to LISTEN!

[cimorene]

I did not know that was a thing - I mean, fake letters, yes, but not this particular rationale - but I guess it does make sense!

[minoanmiss]

ahahahahaha omg that's wild. Thank you for telling us.

[swingandswirl]

Oh. That's good. /puts knives away/

[dabbleswithpoisons]

I mean, I hope it works!

[conuly]

I hope the letter works.

[lilysea]

I’d hazard that most people who claim to have msg sensitivity either have racism, hypochondria, or both. However, it is still NOT ON to feed them something they won’t eat without telling them.

(People who do have glutamate sensitivity tend to come, apologetically, with a list of other foods they can’t eat. People with racism and hypochondria tend to come with “no it’s just the msg; your award winning mushroom and parmesan tomato ragout is fine!” (While eating a bag of cool ranch Doritos)

Yeah, I have a genuine MSG sensitivity (it causes me migraines and tachycardia even if I am not aware that it is in the food) but I also come with a long list of *other* foods that allergists, other doctors, and dietitians have told me to avoid due to allergies, food intolerances, migraine triggers, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome which includes:

cinnamon (genuine allergy)
Balsam of Peru (genuine allergy)
benzoate preservatives (genuine allergy)
onions
garlic
tomatoes (migraine trigger)
eggplant
citrus (migraine trigger, psoriasis trigger)
wheat
oats
Stevia
Erythritol
Sorbitol
Saccharin
Sulfites/sulphites
and preservative 282 - calcium propionate/calcium propanoate

[minoanmiss]

makes a note in case I ever get the chance to cook for you

[librarygeek]

Yeah. My list isn't quite that extensive, but migraines, polycystic ovarian syndrome, eosinophilic gastroenteritis, and IBS has me recognizing the compounds that change into MSG and push me over the threshold. My only surprises about your list is 1) aspartame isn't listed and frequently MSG and aspartame sensitivity go together, and 2) what is Balsam of Peru?

You've got some overlap there with the FODMAP changes to diet I can recognize.

[lilysea]

Yes, Aspartame should be on the list as well (migraine trigger)

Balsam of Peru = often used in spices, mouthwash, toothpaste, soap, medicinal skin creams, moisturisers, deoderants etc. It is beloved by manufacturers because it smells good, has antibacterial and antifungal properties. Unfortunately, a significant number of people are allergic to it. If you're allergic to Balsam of Peru you will cross-react to cinnamon and you will also cross react to benzoates.

"Balsam of Peru is a sticky aromatic liquid that comes from cutting the bark of the tree Myroxolon balsamum, a tree that is native to El Salvador. The ‘Peru’ part of Balsam of Peru originates from when it was first named, El Salvador then being part of a Peruvian colony. Balsam of Peru smells of vanilla and cinnamon because it contains 60-70% cinnamein (a combination of cinnamic acid, cinnamyl cinnamate, benzyl benzoate, benzoic acid and vanillin). The other 30-40% contains resins of unknown composition. It also contains essential oils similar to those in citrus fruit peel. These are all potential allergens.

Balsam of Peru is not only used for its aromatic and fixative (i.e. delays evaporation) properties but also for its mild antiseptic, antifungal and antiparasitic attributes. It has 3 main uses: fragrance in perfumes and toiletries; flavouring in food and drink; healing properties in medicinal products. The table below lists some of the products that may contain Balsam of Peru and/or chemically related substances.

Flavouring
Citrus fruit peel
Baked goods and confectionary
Cola and other soft drinks
Aperitifs, e.g. vermouth, bitters
Spices, e.g. cinnamon, cloves, vanilla, nutmeg, paprika, curry

Fragrance
Perfumes
Deodorants
Aftershave lotions
Cosmetics
Medicinal creams and ointments
Baby powders
Sunscreens
Suntan lotions
Shampoo and conditioners
Perfumed tea, coffee and tobacco

Medicinal
Haemorrhoidal suppositories and ointment e.g., Anusol™
Tincture of benzoin
Wound spray
Calamine lotion
Dental cement
Cough medicine, lozenges
Lip preparations
Insect repellents
Surgical dressings
Toothpaste and mouthwash"

https://dermnetnz.org/topics/balsam-of-peru-allergy

[shanaqui]

So, just a word from your friendly neighbourhood hypochondriac: please stop conflating hypochondria and attention-seeking all the time, people. I am a hypochondriac because of a laundry list of health-related trauma, and people who genuinely think they are ill all the time need your sympathy, not your fucking judgements. We are frightened. Not looking for attention: scared.

Each scare is just as real to us as the one single scare your mom had that one time (or whatever) -- or more so. Every. Single. One.

[minoanmiss]

stands and applauds

[cereta]

Yes, THANK YOU. I have legit, diagnosed PTSD from health issues in general but in particular from having a number of things just fall out of the fucking sky and land on me like bricks. Twinge in my flank? Oh, hello, kidney stone! Seeing the occasional silver streak across my vision? One detached retina + five holes in the other = two weeks face down in a massage chair. Nasty case of strep with some fatigue? Oh, look, one lung full of pneumonia. Yeah, I monitor twinges and oddities and other symptoms very closely. Yes, I am fucking scared every time something weird happens. I'd say I have cause to be, and it's not because I want attention.

[shanaqui]

Ahaha I hear you. I didn't have quite the same experience -- I got given antidepressants for two years to treat what turned out to be a gallbladder literally full of gallstones -- but also PTSD partly based on that event falling out of the fucking sky. I was 20 at the time, not exactly a prime age for it, and with no other risk factors either -- so it was particularly random-feeling.

Once you know that kind of thing just... happens... without rhyme or reason, for some people (like us) there's no going back to "meh, it's just a bump", "guess I bruised myself in the night, it'll go away", "must've pulled a muscle somehow", etc.

(There were other causes of my PTSD related to two family members becoming ill and suddenly dying at exactly the time I was coping with my gallstones, plus trauma from the aftermath of the eventual surgery where, I'll spare you the details for fear of triggers and trauma-dumping, I was not treated optimally by the recovery ward staff.)

[cereta]

If I ever found out that someone put chocolate in something without telling me because they didn't believe (or just didn't care) that chocolate can raise my migraine to blinding levels, there would be blood on the floor. I have enough trouble with restaurants/manufacturers not mentioning that the butterscotch blondie cookie has chocolate chips that can't really be detected until one has already taken a bite. I don't need "loved ones" deciding a tablespoon of cocoa powder can't possibly hurt that much.

[minoanmiss]

*makes a note* I didn't know you had a sensitivity to chocolate. My rainbow fudge has white chocolate in it. I have now made a note for candy sending.

*hugs you*

[cereta]

White chocolate is fine, actually. It's just the stuff with actual cocoa that's an issue.

[minoanmiss]

amends note

[lunabee34]

I have celiac and if anyone ever put gluten in my food to test me because they don't think my allergy is real I would murder them after I finished projectile vomiting and uncontrollably shitting all over them. Why are people assholes about this?