Ask a Manager: I Hate Being Called "Lady"

[minoanmiss]

I hate being called “lady” at work. This is a small but ongoing annoyance, and I’m not sure how to address it. At work, when I’m in a chat or email with other women, I find that certain people have a tendency to refer to the rest of the group as “ladies.” Someone will open the message with “hello ladies” or address a request with “ladies, I need from you …” or close with a “thanks, ladies!” Sometimes this comes from coworkers, sometimes from clients or vendors.

I HATE this. So much. I find it twee and condescending, and I don’t think there’s any reason to unnecessarily inject gender into work discussions. (For similar reasons, I’m glad we’ve moved away from the “dear sir or madam” greeting.) I am a femme cis woman myself, but I’m sure it would be even more alienating for people who don’t fall into that category.

It would be a little easier to nip this in the bud if the people calling others “ladies” were male, but this is primarily coming from other women.

Is there a way to make this stop, or do I just need to tolerate it? I don’t quite know how to bring it up, especially because it doesn’t seem ill-intentioned or explicitly sexist. I don’t want to seem oversensitive or controlling, but it just … doesn’t feel good to be addressed that way.

You could try leading by example and opening the next group email with: “Hi, y’all! (I’m trying to get away from gendered greetings like ‘ladies.’)” Some people pick might pick up on it and follow your lead. But it’s so, so common that to really address it effectively, you’d probably need to have more of an open discussion of it, and that gets into how receptive you think your audience will be and whether it’ll take capital you’d rather save for something else. Some workplaces would be super receptive to your point! Others wouldn’t be. So you have to know your culture and decide how much you want to push it.

Comments

[ashbet]

<3!