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agonyaunt2022-05-03 11:59 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2022-05-03 11:59 am
Entry tags:
Ask a Manager: I Got Outed As a Member of the Satanic Temple
[AAM is on fire today!] Content advisory: Holocaust comparisons.
I’m a member of The Satanic Temple. That information got out at work and now things are unpleasant and awkward. I’m a member of The Satanic Temple. That information got out at work and now things are unpleasant and awkward.
I became a passionate patients’ rights advocate when a family member almost died after they were denied emergency medical treatment on religious grounds. The unexpected delay in care almost cost my family member their life and it was a frightening time for our family. I found The Satanic Temple (TST) through my patient advocacy. TST supports access to scientifically factual medical care as well as encourages empathy, kindness, and charity work. Even though my local chapter is very much not bats and snakes and sleeping in grave dirt, I don’t discuss my membership at work because I know it could make others uncomfortable despite the fact that my company is actually very progressive.
I was working the TST booth in during a weekend charity drive/festival event one town over when a few coworkers were there with friends and family saw me. I didn’t think it would be a problem since they stopped and chatted and even made a donation. I think they were surprised because I’m a very vanilla person, but their donation was very kind.
My boss pulled me into a private meeting that Monday. To my knowledge, she was not at the fundraiser so I think it was brought to her attention. She was snappy and exasperated, rolling her eyes as she asked me if I needed any kind of religious accommodations. I clarified that I didn’t and it was never my intention for this part of my personal life to be common knowledge and I’d be happy if everyone just dropped it. She rolled her eyes again and said, “Whatever, just don’t let this become a problem.” The temperature in the office got weirder fast.
Later that week, a coworker told the new intern, “Be careful of LW, she worships Satan. She’ll curse you haha.” I’ve been called “Sabrina” and asked horrible questions about my personal life (like did your pet really die or were they a sacrifice kind of terrible questions). My office mate, who I always thought of as a good friend, made a big show of putting religious paraphernalia around our office, most of which are related to protection from evil. It makes me sad she feels unsafe around me. If she had put them up without knowing about TST, I wouldn’t be bothered at all. My boss, who I used to have a great professional relationship with, is still acting like she’s annoyed with me and is very short when we need to interact. I asked her if there was a problem and she responded “I don’t know, is there?” I don’t know if this is how my manager reacts to religion in general or just things that make her uncomfortable.
Do I address this with HR or do I ignore it and wait for something else interesting to take the office gossip spot? My beliefs encourage me to meet everyone with empathy, and kindness, and to seek out a fair resolution to all personal conflicts. This is exactly why I didn’t want to bring it up at work.
Talk to HR. This is no different than if you started being harassed at work and frozen out by your boss after people found out you were any other religion.
If your boss weren’t involved, you could possibly start with her and see if she were able to deal with it on her own (by making clear to team members that comments about your religion were unacceptable) but since she’s part of the problem, HR is the right next step.
In fact, I’m more concerned about your boss than I am about your coworkers. Your coworkers’ reactions have been intrusive and obnoxious, but it’s possible that the “she’ll curse you, haha” comments could die out pretty fast once they get bored. Your boss, on the other hand, seems to have changed her entire relationship with you in a way that will make it impossible for her to manage you effectively. And her “I don’t know, is there?” response when you asked if there was a problem is outright hostile and says you’re not going to be able to solve this on your own.
So … HR, and use the words “religious discrimination.”
(Because I expect it to come up as readers contemplate this letter: As I was answering this letter, I found myself wondering why the Satanic Temple has kept a name that results in its members being harassed and misunderstood solely on the basis of the name, when in fact they don’t believe in Satan and advocate doing good, not evil. From what I’ve been reading, the name is a device that allows the group to make a political and social point — for example, demanding the same privileges for Satanists that many Christians take for granted, like erecting religious monuments on government property or organizing a prayer in government meetings.)
I’m a member of The Satanic Temple. That information got out at work and now things are unpleasant and awkward. I’m a member of The Satanic Temple. That information got out at work and now things are unpleasant and awkward.
I became a passionate patients’ rights advocate when a family member almost died after they were denied emergency medical treatment on religious grounds. The unexpected delay in care almost cost my family member their life and it was a frightening time for our family. I found The Satanic Temple (TST) through my patient advocacy. TST supports access to scientifically factual medical care as well as encourages empathy, kindness, and charity work. Even though my local chapter is very much not bats and snakes and sleeping in grave dirt, I don’t discuss my membership at work because I know it could make others uncomfortable despite the fact that my company is actually very progressive.
I was working the TST booth in during a weekend charity drive/festival event one town over when a few coworkers were there with friends and family saw me. I didn’t think it would be a problem since they stopped and chatted and even made a donation. I think they were surprised because I’m a very vanilla person, but their donation was very kind.
My boss pulled me into a private meeting that Monday. To my knowledge, she was not at the fundraiser so I think it was brought to her attention. She was snappy and exasperated, rolling her eyes as she asked me if I needed any kind of religious accommodations. I clarified that I didn’t and it was never my intention for this part of my personal life to be common knowledge and I’d be happy if everyone just dropped it. She rolled her eyes again and said, “Whatever, just don’t let this become a problem.” The temperature in the office got weirder fast.
Later that week, a coworker told the new intern, “Be careful of LW, she worships Satan. She’ll curse you haha.” I’ve been called “Sabrina” and asked horrible questions about my personal life (like did your pet really die or were they a sacrifice kind of terrible questions). My office mate, who I always thought of as a good friend, made a big show of putting religious paraphernalia around our office, most of which are related to protection from evil. It makes me sad she feels unsafe around me. If she had put them up without knowing about TST, I wouldn’t be bothered at all. My boss, who I used to have a great professional relationship with, is still acting like she’s annoyed with me and is very short when we need to interact. I asked her if there was a problem and she responded “I don’t know, is there?” I don’t know if this is how my manager reacts to religion in general or just things that make her uncomfortable.
Do I address this with HR or do I ignore it and wait for something else interesting to take the office gossip spot? My beliefs encourage me to meet everyone with empathy, and kindness, and to seek out a fair resolution to all personal conflicts. This is exactly why I didn’t want to bring it up at work.
Talk to HR. This is no different than if you started being harassed at work and frozen out by your boss after people found out you were any other religion.
If your boss weren’t involved, you could possibly start with her and see if she were able to deal with it on her own (by making clear to team members that comments about your religion were unacceptable) but since she’s part of the problem, HR is the right next step.
In fact, I’m more concerned about your boss than I am about your coworkers. Your coworkers’ reactions have been intrusive and obnoxious, but it’s possible that the “she’ll curse you, haha” comments could die out pretty fast once they get bored. Your boss, on the other hand, seems to have changed her entire relationship with you in a way that will make it impossible for her to manage you effectively. And her “I don’t know, is there?” response when you asked if there was a problem is outright hostile and says you’re not going to be able to solve this on your own.
So … HR, and use the words “religious discrimination.”
(Because I expect it to come up as readers contemplate this letter: As I was answering this letter, I found myself wondering why the Satanic Temple has kept a name that results in its members being harassed and misunderstood solely on the basis of the name, when in fact they don’t believe in Satan and advocate doing good, not evil. From what I’ve been reading, the name is a device that allows the group to make a political and social point — for example, demanding the same privileges for Satanists that many Christians take for granted, like erecting religious monuments on government property or organizing a prayer in government meetings.)
no subject
(Content advisory: Holocaust comparisons, victim blaming, advice to "hide who you are", ignorance and malarkey)
https://www.askamanager.org/2022/05/im-a-member-of-the-satanic-temple-and-got-outed-at-work.html#comment-3847697
no subject
The thing about the holocaust comparison is that the commenter is absolutely wrong (and good on the AAM commenters for saying so), but they brush by an actual issue that has nothing to do with this letter.
Should a Hindu or Buddhist be able to wear a right-hand swastika in a non-Asian workplace without facing discomfort or misunderstanding? Absolutely. Can they? Probably not, TBH; sorry, y'all, the Nazis ruined a lot of things and your ability to wear your religious symbol in public without it being a trigger for a lot of people is one of them, for now. Give it a few generations but for now there are still living people with numbers on their arms so maybe take a pause on that one. (Obviously I'd expect the ACLU et al to defend to the death their right to wear them without discrimination, but 100% there will be discomfort.)
But as the commenters all said: Hitler is real, and was alive in living memory, and murdered and tortured a fuckton of people. Satan is mythology, so suck it. Not to mention the LW is a closeted member of the Satanic Temple, which is vastly different from putting a swastika on a lapel pin.
no subject
I am torn between dismay at how many people said, "you deserve this for being a member of something named Satanic, etc etc" and delight at how many people disagreed with each and every one of them.
no subject
this, in this case, is incomplete advice. The Satanic Temple exists specifically for this purpose. That is, because they are legally a religion in an ostensibly freedom-of-religion country, yet everyone is a dick about it because of satanic panic and Christian normativity, the Satanic Temple fights discrimination. In this case, LW should go directly to the Satanic Temple and talk to them. They'll ask LW if they want to make a case about it, if they want to work with HR, if they want to bring in lawyers, etc. This is literally why the Satanic Temple exists.
(I'm grumpy at them at the moment because they were legal-trolling the Boston mayoral election, but they do important work.)
no subject
LW, go to your co-believers and leaders for emotional and social support - that's what a religious group should always be for, first, and it sounds like they've served that role for you before! - and then get their legal advice. And then go to HR with the Temple's full legal backing, not just an advice columnist's.
no subject
no subject