Ask a Manager: My Wife Will Be Living With Her Coworkers For 3 Months

[minoanmiss]

My wife is an attorney at a small firm who has a once in a lifetime case with her boss, that will set national precedent. The trial will take three months and is in a different city, so she, her boss/law partner, and the client will be lodging there for the entirety of the case. Her firm has decided to short term lease a single family house that they all will live in for the three months of the trial. This decision was made without the input of my wife, who is okay with the living situation.

My question is about appropriateness of the living situation. Two married men (one a boss/law partner, and the other a client) living with a married woman seems inappropriate to me, and from a liability perspective seems risky for the firm. I am curious on your viewpoint from an external HR/managerial perspective?

It’s not inherently inappropriate for men and women to share living space, married or not.

I would be concerned about them not being able to get enough privacy and downtime to disconnect from work — but that’s not because of the genders or marital status. It’s not inherently inappropriate; it’s just that it’s a lot of togetherness with colleagues. The same would true if they were all single women. But if the three of them are all comfortable with it and (importantly!) no one was pressured into agreeing when they’re secretly dreading it, then so be it.

It sounds like you might be uncomfortable as a spouse, and if that’s the case it’s something for you to work out on your own or with your wife — but if I’m right about that, you’re more likely to be able to work through that if you own that discomfort rather than framing it as an HR thing.

Comments

"Appropriate" is carrying quite a load of BS here

[feldman]

Listen, friend, I'm far more curious about whether there's an assumption of her keeping the house than servicing the husbands.

I'm also side-eyeing the listed fallout including "liability for the firm" while not even mentioning that this would entail "career-ending trauma for my spouse".