conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2022-04-29 01:34 pm

(no subject)

Q. I’d take a gift card: My sister and I have an otherwise good relationship, but she is a terrible gift-giver. When her birthday or a special occasion rolls around, I try to give her thoughtful, useful gifts. For my last birthday, she sent me a butt plug as a “gag gift.” She has consistently sent me similarly unfunny/raunchy “gag gifts” that, quite frankly, are embarrassing to receive. Beyond it being gauche, I never use these gifts, and I can’t exactly give them to someone else.

I’ve tried subtle methods to get her to stop, like hinting at gifts I might prefer. At one point I tried to be more direct and asked her point-blank to stop, but she kind of shrugged it off. How do I get her to reconsider the “gifts” she sends me? My birthday is coming up and I don’t want to have to unwrap another piece of junk.


A: This is neither here nor there, but from the cursory research I did on a work computer on a public network, it seems that butt plugs are not inexpensive. Your sister is really doing a lot for a joke that’s not landing. If she is shrugging off the boundary you set, see if she’ll respond to a “no gifts” policy. Tell her you don’t want to exchange gifts anymore. You can say that it’s because of the gag gifts or keep it light by just suggesting you’d rather plan experiences together than trade things back and forth. Either way, make it clear to her that you’re not accepting gifts for your upcoming birthday. If she brings you one anyway, you’re under no obligation to open it and should, instead, just give it right back. “Oh, remember, we’re not doing gifts anymore. Thank you, though. I hope you can return it!”

https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/04/sister-raunchy-gag-gifts-dear-prudence-advice.html
cimorene: cartoony drawing of a woman's head in profile giving dubious side-eye (Default)

[personal profile] cimorene 2022-04-29 06:26 pm (UTC)(link)
This is that special category of advice column letters that you're pretty sure aren't made up because it's not what somebody would make up but it's completely incomprehensible how they got in this situation. And it always seems to be someone who doesn't want to communicate with words and is hoping there will be some magical solution to make people do what they want without communication that the advice columnist will come up with.
green_grrl: (Default)

[personal profile] green_grrl 2022-04-30 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
I feel like a good 80% of advice column letters boil down to, “How can I make this situation change without using my words,” or, “This is intolerable! How dare this situation happen because people didn’t read my mind.”
lilysea: Serious (Default)

[personal profile] lilysea 2022-04-30 09:05 am (UTC)(link)
“This is intolerable! How dare this situation happen because people didn’t read my mind.”

To be fair, I don't think you have to expect someone to be able to read your mind for this one!

"Don't give your siblings butt plugs/sex toys unless they explicitly ask for them" is a pretty common social norm!
green_grrl: (Default)

[personal profile] green_grrl 2022-04-30 01:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, yeah, this one is definitely the former. There’s a separate breed of LW that pearl clutches over something like, “My DIL had us over for dinner and had it laid out as a buffet. The disrespect—I’ve been taught my whole life one serves one’s elders. I’m mortally offended!”
ermingarden: medieval image of a bird with a tonsured human head and monastic hood (Default)

[personal profile] ermingarden 2022-04-29 05:46 pm (UTC)(link)
movingfinger: (Default)

[personal profile] movingfinger 2022-04-29 06:01 pm (UTC)(link)
1. No more gift exchange. I think I'd include all gift occasions, because sister will escalate.

2. If these gifts are being sent through the mail, return to sender unopened! You don't need to know what's in there, LW!
r_tt_n: (qualia)

[personal profile] r_tt_n 2022-04-29 07:01 pm (UTC)(link)
it seems that butt plugs are not inexpensive you can get butt plugs on Aliexpress for like 3 dollars, maybe not the best idea though lol

Back to the actual topic, why is this a thing so many people do..? It doesn't look like the most common thing in the world, but it's not exactly rare to see similar situations from time to time in advice columns or subreddits like AITA. I just don't understand why someone would think it's okay to give sex toys as gifts, unless you're intimate with that person and/or they made explicitly clear that it's okay/something they want.

I never use these gifts, and I can’t exactly give them to someone else
Give them all back to your sister? Making it clear they're her gifts and you're returning them because you don't want them I mean. We don't want her to think you're finally participating in the "joke" or whatever 🤦‍♀️
ellen_fremedon: overlapping pages from Beowulf manuscript, one with a large rubric, on a maroon ground (Default)

[personal profile] ellen_fremedon 2022-04-29 10:29 pm (UTC)(link)
I have once received a sex toy from someone I was not on sex toy-using terms with. And that was from a friend who gave dildos to everyone on her Christmas list that year, because she was working at an adult bookstore and was determined not to let her employee discount go to waste.
r_tt_n: (chocolate)

[personal profile] r_tt_n 2022-05-02 08:01 pm (UTC)(link)
At least your friend had a good reason 😂 didn't think of that possibility tbh, I often forget employee discounts are a thing. An "adult bookstore" though? 🤔 What kind of place is that?
azurelunatic: Animated purple vibrator on blue background.  (Divine Oscillations)

[personal profile] azurelunatic 2022-04-29 11:33 pm (UTC)(link)
My practical thought about the (inner packaging unopened) gifts is actually too much work for someone to have to go to because a family member is sending them squicky gifts.

That process:
* Research your local kink club(s)
* Get in contact with one of the organizers
* Explain the situation
* See if they do white elephant style gift exchanges
* Donate the item so they can have a spare so someone who otherwise couldn't participate can be included