Care and Feeding which I cannot summarize because I'm too angry at LW's neighbors

[jadelennox]

Why Won’t My Neighbors Accept I Don’t Want to Help With Their Egg Hunt?

Dear Care and Feeding,

We are a Jewish family with young children, and we recently moved to a neighborhood that’s full of families with kids, which has been great—we have all enjoyed getting to know our new neighbors. Recently, one of the neighbors texted me that the block does a street-wide Easter egg hunt, and everyone was going to decorate their houses and hide candy-filled eggs in their front yards for all the kids to find on Easter morning. I initially responded saying that it sounded like a lot of fun, but that we wouldn’t be able to participate, and I wished them the best. My neighbor then asked me to hide eggs and decorate our yard, even if our kids weren’t available to participate in the Easter egg hunt. So I explained: we’re Jewish; we don’t celebrate Easter—I hoped they would have a great time.

Well, now I’ve got two different neighbors telling me that “this is a secular event,” and “everyone does this!” and I “shouldn’t deprive” my kids of fun. Any suggestions for what I should do? I don’t feel comfortable decorating our home with symbols of a holiday that we don’t celebrate. And honestly, we’ll be way too busy hosting our out-of-town family for Passover that weekend to be simultaneously crafting an Easter egg hunt in our yard. Am I an Easter Grinch? I would happily let my kids visit a Christian friend’s house and celebrate Easter with them, but doing it at our own house seems strange.

—Not a Grinch!

Dear NaG,

I’m sorry you’re in this position. You’ve handled this very well so far, but perhaps not explicitly enough. I can’t fault you for that, and I assure you that your second response should have been sufficient, but apparently it wasn’t. I think at this point you are going to have to take it upon yourself to educate your new neighbors, explaining a little more thoroughly what it means to be Jewish—at least to the two who seem to have no idea. I’m not going to adjudicate the idea that celebrating Easter in this way is secular—I recognize that many families (including my own, since my daughter was raised with both Jewish and Christian holidays and traditions) to some extent divorce such celebrations from their faith and religious practices. But insisting that non-Christians participate in Easter, and that “depriving” their children of this means those poor kids don’t get to have any fun, is, if not antisemitic, antisemitic-adjacent. And since your first December in your new neighborhood is only eight months away, you might want to be proactive before these same neighbors complain that your house is the only one in the neighborhood without Christmas lights.

You don’t have to be didactic, or defensive. I know you want to feel at home in your neighborhood, and you don’t want this to become an ongoing problem for you or your kids. It’s enough to say that you appreciate their perspective on this holiday, but it’s not your family’s holiday—that at this time of year, Jews celebrate Passover, not Easter. You might add that while you appreciate their concern for your children, they can rest assured that your kids don’t feel the least bit deprived. (I recognize that this last bit of advice sounds a wee bit barbed. But so be it. I am irritated on your behalf. Feel free to skip this part if you are a nicer, more forgiving person than I am.)

Comments

[jadelennox]

There's a twitter account, JewWhoHasItAll, who does that as satire. I find it mildly amusing. Going to look I saw this one from February which read your mind and it cracks me up:

My gentile neighbor Anthony sent me an email saying he’s not Jewish and doesn’t celebrate Purim, apropos of our totally awesome, inclusive, fun annual neighborhood block party that I’ve been working hard planning.

How should I respond?

— Jew Who Has It All 🇺🇸 (@JewWhoHasItAll) February 16, 2022

Some responses I’ve already ruled out:

• You don’t have to be a stick in the mud.

• You don’t have to make a food or toy donation if you don’t believe in charity.

• Yes, yes, I know, you’re a gentile, you keep talking about it.

— Jew Who Has It All 🇺🇸 (@JewWhoHasItAll) February 16, 2022

[conuly]

Purim has always seemed like such a fun holiday to me, too - something for kids, something for adults.

But as it's already over, perhaps LW should just stash some random matzo around their yard and wait for the baffled complaints.

(Or not. Liability, much?)

[goljerp]

perhaps LW should just stash some random matzo around their yard and wait for the baffled complaints.

While I like the snarkiness of that idea, matzah would turn to mush pretty quickly if it's out too long. There are plastic eggs that one can buy, and put matzah into... but that goes back to the "don't have time for it" aspect. (And, maybe it's just me, but I always worry I don't have enough matzah before Passover. That's probably why I bought way too much this year. After Passover's over, well... this video is a cute video which gives an idea of what my feelings might be.)

[conuly]

Oh, it was a totally snarky non-serious suggestion. No worries.

[goljerp]

I figured you weren't serious. I found myself identifying way too much with the LW. I am way behind on my own personal Passover preparations, and the idea of spending hours for someone else's religious stuff right now is getting to me. Yes, I'm procrastinating right now by writing this response, but that's my (poor) choice. :-)