Dear Care & Feeding: My Teen self-diagnosed off of TikTok

[minoanmiss]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My teen is 15 and addicted to TikTok. She used to be much more well adjusted, but once lockdown happened and she was isolated from all of her friends, she became depressed and turned to social media, especially TikTok, to keep her entertained during the boredom and stress of lockdown. Unfortunately, she recently “came out” to us as having dissociative identity disorder. She told us that after she watched some TikTok videos of people who have it, she discovered her own “alter personalities.” From what I understand, this disorder comes from severe childhood abuse, which isn’t true! She had a good childhood, she was always happy and cheerful. She now wants to see a therapist so she can get diagnosed, and looking through her phone, I discovered she has already made a few videos about having DID. I forced her to delete the videos, which was very upsetting to her, and now she is upset that I’m not “validating” her. What do I do? Do I take her to see a therapist, do I call her out on it, or do I just play along?


—Confused and Frustrated

Dear Confused and Frustrated,

TikTok diagnoses are a thing, unfortunately, and it’s not terribly hard to imagine how a young person could get caught up in the idea of having an illness, especially if she is able to see some of her experiences in the stories of people who do have it (or, this being TikTok, people who may believe they have these illnesses regardless of actual diagnosis). I don’t want to completely disregard the possibility that something is going on with your daughter emotionally; while it’s highly likely here that she’s glommed on to the idea of something that isn’t her struggle to bear, she may have made this connection for some valid reasons. As you said, she’s been depressed and isolated from friends. That’s reason enough to seek out therapy services, and while you’re likely to find that she doesn’t have DID, it certainly sounds as though she could benefit from the support of a professional while trying to grapple with the circumstances of the last two years, as well as her feelings regarding what she’s learned online and how she’s processed them thus far. In the meantime, resist disparaging her self-diagnosis and instead focus on letting her know that you are invested in supporting her through anything, that you want to ensure she has the best available resources, and that her health and happiness are both top priorities to you. A therapist can lead the work of divesting from the self-proclaimed DID if necessary; focus on making her feel supported instead.

Comments

[cimorene]

Yeah, I think it is very important for a parent to make sure kids and teens aren't unknowingly endangering themselves or other people when they use the internet.

OTOH, that definitely doesn't encompass censoring confessional-style videos on the basis that the parent thinks they are deluded or inaccurate, even if the odds overwhelmingly are that they are inaccurate. If these videos made the parent worry about doxing or future identification of their child that could harm their employment prospects or whatever, that's another issue (and not that unlikely I guess, but I don't know enough about TikTok to judge).


Regardless, even if the parent's real reason was a poorly-expressed fear that the video would harm their child or others now or in the future, the way they're talking about what they did in this letter is giving a very negative impression of their motivations and actions.

[cereta]

Oh, I agree that LW is going about everything all wrong.

[castiron]

Hmm. I'm uncomfortable with allowing my minor child to add to the stew of disinformation on the internet, and to me saying "I have this condition and even though I've never been diagnosed I know I have it because of videos I've watched" falls into that. (That said, if my child was saying "I don't know if I have X, but I share these traits of X, and here's how these coping strategies have worked for me", I'd probably be okay with that.)

But yes, if my child is self-diagnosing with some Brain Thing, if I can at all manage it I should get them to an actual brain wrangler; my teen is not qualified to diagnose a Brain Thing, but they're 100% qualified to say "hey, something's going on in my head that doesn't seem right".

[cereta]

Re your last paragraph: I mean, I was an unabashed attention-seeker at 15. I told lies to make myself sound cooler, I nearly gave myself an ulcer overachieving, I mouthed off, I cried at the drop of a hat...all because I wanted attention. You know what I needed? Some fucking attention, specifically professional attention, that could have helped me understand what was going on (long story short: my dad had died, and I was the least squeaky of four wheels, who was getting way too much pressure and way too little support).

If all, all that's going on is that LW's kid is looking for attention and belonging, a therapist can help her sort that out. Just...this is the easy part, you know?

[cimorene]

Well put.