cereta: (spydaddy)
Lucy ([personal profile] cereta) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2016-05-02 09:14 am

(no subject)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Miles" for two years. He will move in with me soon. Miles has two sons from his previous marriage. He loves them and sees them regularly.

I can't help but feel a little jealous because he makes a huge effort to be with his kids as often as possible, entertaining them and taking them to nice restaurants. The issue I have is that Miles and I never go out. We have never been on vacation or had a weekend date. Our dates consist of eating a sandwich or me cooking. Is it normal to feel a little jealous, or should I call him out on it? -- AT THE FOOT OF THE LIST

DEAR FOOT OF THE LIST: Miles appears to be a good father, but your feelings are understandable and they should be discussed with Miles BEFORE he moves in. In romantic relationships there is a certain degree of "courtship" that appears to be missing here. And believe me, unless you talk this through, nothing will change because he thinks the status quo is acceptable to you.
watersword: Keira Knightley, in Pride and Prejudice (2007), turning her head away from the viewer, the word "elizabeth" written near (Default)

[personal profile] watersword 2016-05-02 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Yep. It's not that there is a zero-sum amount of "doing fun stuff" in her partner's life, and it is all going to the kids, which seems to be how she's framing it. It's that their relationship has a problem that needs to be solved. The kids are not the problem. (There may be an upper limit to the budget he has for vacations or nice restaurants or whatnot, and there's only 168 hours in a week, some of which are presumably claimed by work and sleep and so on, but the fundamental mismatch here is one of emotional labor.)