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DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Miles" for two years. He will move in with me soon. Miles has two sons from his previous marriage. He loves them and sees them regularly.
I can't help but feel a little jealous because he makes a huge effort to be with his kids as often as possible, entertaining them and taking them to nice restaurants. The issue I have is that Miles and I never go out. We have never been on vacation or had a weekend date. Our dates consist of eating a sandwich or me cooking. Is it normal to feel a little jealous, or should I call him out on it? -- AT THE FOOT OF THE LIST
DEAR FOOT OF THE LIST: Miles appears to be a good father, but your feelings are understandable and they should be discussed with Miles BEFORE he moves in. In romantic relationships there is a certain degree of "courtship" that appears to be missing here. And believe me, unless you talk this through, nothing will change because he thinks the status quo is acceptable to you.
I can't help but feel a little jealous because he makes a huge effort to be with his kids as often as possible, entertaining them and taking them to nice restaurants. The issue I have is that Miles and I never go out. We have never been on vacation or had a weekend date. Our dates consist of eating a sandwich or me cooking. Is it normal to feel a little jealous, or should I call him out on it? -- AT THE FOOT OF THE LIST
DEAR FOOT OF THE LIST: Miles appears to be a good father, but your feelings are understandable and they should be discussed with Miles BEFORE he moves in. In romantic relationships there is a certain degree of "courtship" that appears to be missing here. And believe me, unless you talk this through, nothing will change because he thinks the status quo is acceptable to you.
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I think it is troubling that he makes so little effort with her - never been on vacation together, never had a weekend date, he's never even cooked her a meal...
But I totally agree that she needs to approach it from the angle of "I would like to go out with you more often, I would like to go on vacation together" and potentially even "I would like to join you and your sons some of the time".
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But other than that datapoint, yeeeeah, separate separate separate unless/until HE potentially brings it up as "well I have no time/energy".