Dear Abby: Relationship finances, sorta

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I each own our homes and have about the same mortgage payment. She ends up staying with me most of the time because I live closer to where we both work.

I recently found out that she has been Airbnbing her condo a lot of the weekends when she stays with me. I feel taken advantage of even though it doesn't really affect me whether her place is empty or she's getting rent.

What is the etiquette on such an arrangement? Should I be getting a cut? I feel if I told her I wanted to stay at her place and rent out mine, she would want some of the money. -- WEEKEND ROOMIES

DEAR WEEKEND ROOMIES: There is no rule of etiquette governing whether you're entitled to some of the income she receives from renting out her place while she's visiting you. Discuss this with your entrepreneurial girlfriend and see how she feels about sharing the wealth. Her reaction will give insight into her character.

Comments

[ambyr]

More to the point: this one depends SO MUCH on how they already handle finances between them. And while I think there's very few situations in which framing it in terms of him getting "a cut" of her profits would be reasonable, I do think if she's moved in with him to the point where she's renting out her own place it's not unreasonable for him to say, "So, we're de facto living together. Are you open to paying me rent?" At the very least, if she's at his place almost every night, I would consider it polite for her to offer to chip in for utilities.

[kaberett]

Yeah -- though equally, I'd sort of expect it to depend a bit on whether they have an existing income disparity, and of course how much of the housework she's ending up doing for him*...

* ... pronoun isn't specified, but.

[kaberett]

(Like: I'm currently not in a position to pay the partner I'm spending a lot of time with rent/utilities. When a benefits back payment comes in, I will pay them for both -- but equally, exactly how we end up dividing things is going to take into account the fact that I do most of the cooking and a lot of the housework.)

[ambyr]

Thank you for reminding me that pronoun isn't specified! I should be more careful about my gendered assumptions.

[vass]

This, yes.

[recessional]

This is basically the shorter and to the point version of my rambles. >.>

Although I would note that it's also an area where idiolect differences can make such a huge difference: I know people who'd frame it as "get a cut" even when what they actually mean is "contribute to this place I can just barely afford, given that they're getting advantages out of it like saving on gas for work". Which is not to say that's a good word to use, because if you run into the other person having an idiolect where that's going to read Badly . . . . just, yeah.

[naath]

mmm, I live rent free in OH