Dear Prudence: I hate my partner's phallic-sounding nickname

[minoanmiss]

Let my partner be Rich: My partner, whom I love and will likely marry, has an unfortunate nickname from his youth, a form of his name that’s often associated with a child, or, in many cases, a penis. Think “Dickie” for Richard, very similarly phallic. He loves this name and everyone in his life who has known him since he’s a kid still calls him by it.

As you might have guessed, I hate this name. I feel uncomfortable using it to address a grown man, and the few times I’ve used it talking about him early on to family, friends, even my therapist, they all made fun of him.

Until now, professionally and with newer people, he’s always gone with “Rich.” Now he is embarking on a career change and wants to use “Dickie” on all his work. The idea is he’ll be successful and widely known professionally by this name. He knows I don’t love using it personally, and is fine with that.

Please tell me there is something I can say to suggest he stick with his current professional identity and avoid having to be with little Dickie forever.

: I’m sorry, but I don’t think you should try to change his mind on this. He’s had his name his whole life and used it in his personal life, so he knows how people react to it, and it’s not hurting anyone. It’s nice of him to let you give him a different nickname, but should get to be called what he wants to be called in his professional life. Sure, people might raise eyebrows or chuckle, but if he likes his name, he likes it.

Also, keep an eye on that therapist of yours. Making fun of a client’s partner’s name seems a little on the unprofessional side.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

Richard John Grayson-Wayne, this is why you don't date civilians!

*collapses agiggle*

[cereta]

AHAHAHAHAHA yes.

[topaz_eyes]

Thank rhyming slang for this one.

As someone with a similarly unfortunate surname, I have a teeny bit of sympathy for LW. I despised my surname growing up, because it was a point of massive teasing. (I'm okay with my surname now.) I have to wonder whether LW's partner really has loved his nickname all along, or it's one he had to learn to love. Either way, the partner has embraced it whole-heartedly, and he gets to choose what he wants to be called professionally.

If the prospect of being known as "little Dickie's spouse" really is that off-putting to LW though, it's better that LW deal with it now: either accept it, or move on.

[conuly]

Well, by all means, LW should definitely stick with the loving people in their life who made fun of their partner for his name rather than said partner.

[oursin]

Up Town, down town, Little Willy Willy wears the crown, he's the king around town...

Because my brain is a jukebox

[bikergeek]

All I can think of here is "Billericay Dickie" by Ian Dury and the Blockheads:

"Good evening, I'm from Essex
In case you couldn't tell
My given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay¹
And I'm doing very well."

¹Pronounced "Bill-a-RICK-y", unlike the town in MA that's named for it, which is pronounced "bill-RICK-uh" or "b'RICK-ah".

[melannen]

I'm deeply curious what the new career is!

LW, if he's embarking on a career as an adult model, conservative pundit and/or author of suspense novels, the phallic nickname may be a savvy marketing choice...

Also, in many of the kinds of careers where your name is permanently attached to your work, even your professional colleagues may not regularly call you the name that's on your work - think of it as more like the name of your company. He might be doing this deliberately because he wants to keep the name you call him separate and safe from the name he's known by to the public.

[kindkit]

I have nothing useful to add, but I'm taking this post as an excuse to share this:

Where I work, the two managers of the cashiering department are called Willie and Peter.

And our store jargon for the cashiering department is "the Front End."

Therefore, every so often, one must announce over the intercom: "Willie or Peter on the Front End, you have a call on line 1."

Every time, I have to fight not to giggle.

[minoanmiss]

*splorfle*

[azurelunatic]

I had to do the intercom voice when reading this to my partner. :D :D :D

[cereta]

My spouse's name is Peter, and if we'd had a son, we would have named him William after my late father. When we were first TTC, I was still very much in Nightwing fandom. I used to joke that if we had a boy, the three important guys in my life would be a Peter, a Dick, and a Willie.

[minoanmiss]

BWEEEEE