ASk a Manager: my employees got into a religious argument and now things are in chaos

[minoanmiss]

I have a situation regarding a argument regarding spiritual/religious beliefs in my office. I’m a team lead and oversee 10 people. I have two employees, Fred and George, who are the office jokesters. Both are liberal practicing Muslims. Another employee, Harry, is a practicing Wiccan.

Recently there was a situation where Fred and George began to inquire to Harry about his spiritual beliefs, which quickly became more pointed, obnoxious, and mocking of him being a “witch wannabe” after watching magic based fantasy shows and films too many times, along with teasing the silver pentacle he wears as being “the Devil.”

Harry eventually became irritated to the point where he snapped back and began to criticize them for how their particular religion has been under fire for decades if not centuries, especially since 9/11 over terrorism and about human rights for women and LGBTQ+ people. Fred and George immediately became angry and defensive, accusing him of prejudice and islamophobia. This conversation/argument was witnessed by three other employees.

Fred and George both came to me right after this incident, demanding some form of discipline for Harry if not just firing him outright. They had also looped our overhead manager as well.

My manager feels that Harry should just be let go for borderline hate speech as it’s a two vs one scenario. After speaking with the three witnesses and Harry, my perception is that while Harry may not have responded in the best way, he wasn’t really hating on Islam so much as pointing out to Fred and George that they shouldn’t mock and belittle his religion as their own has its detractors. Plus, they started this situation in the first place and up until now there has never been any conflict among these three (though Fred and George have been known to joke around occasionally and I have to rein them in, though nothing as egregious as this incident). My manager is not forcing me to discipline any of them, but still suggests Harry needs to be let go. I’ve tried explaining how by that logic, Fred and George should be let go as well for their own slander against Harry.

Harry has since taking to icing Fred and George out unless it’s necessary for their work on hand. Fred and George continue to make some comments under their breath about Harry, but I never catch what is said and therefore I won’t address that unless I catch something negative. Who is more in the wrong of this whole mess and what is your advice on how I handle this situation?

Does no one in your company realize there are laws about all of this? The law (Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which makes religious harassment at work illegal) makes it really clear how you need to proceed: All three of these employees need to be told that religious harassment is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated in your company, period.

Your manager’s idea of siding with Fred and George because it’s two against one is bizarre. You don’t settle issues of religious discrimination by counting up who has more people on their side! It’s not a vote.

All three of them — Fred, George, and Harry — were in the wrong. They all engaged in religious harassment, and they all need to be told it won’t be tolerated.

That said, it’s not irrelevant that Fred and George started it and Harry appeared to be trying to defend himself (badly and wrongly). It doesn’t excuse Harry’s actions, but it does mean that you’ll need to account for that in your messaging to him. It also makes it extra odd that your manager is proposing that Harry be the only one disciplined.

Your messaging to Fred and George should be: “It’s not okay to harass any employee here about their religious or spiritual faith or lack thereof, regardless of what you think of their belief system. This is both company policy and federal law. You need to treat all employees with respect, period, and this cannot happen again. I understand that Harry did the same thing back, and I will be telling him the same thing that I’m telling you. This can’t happen, from anyone or about any religion. I am documenting this conversation and this is serious enough that I need you to know this is the final warning you’ll get on the subject.”

Your messaging to Harry should be: “I’ve spoken to Fred and George and told them that it’s not okay to harass any employee here about their religious or spiritual faith or lack thereof, including yours. They were out of line in what they said to you, and I’ve made it clear it cannot happen again. However, I need to say the same to you. While I understand you were provoked, you cannot harass any employee here about their religious faith, regardless of your provocation. This is both company policy and federal law. In the future if you feel you’re being harassed or discriminated against because of your religion, I need you to ___ (insert reporting procedure here). I can promise you that if you do, we will take it seriously and investigate, and will ensure you’re not harassed for your religious faith. But I also need to be clear that none of this will be tolerated if it happens again — not what Fred and George said to you, and not what you said to them.”

You also need to deal with the aftermath of this among the three of them. It’s fine for Harry to decline to chat with Fred and George as long as he talks to them when it’s needed for work and as long as he’s being professional and respectful. It is not okay for Fred and George to make comments about Harry under their breath, and it’s definitely not okay for you to decide you’ll ignore it unless you catch what they’re saying. The under-the-breath comments need to stop, period; they’re creating a hostile work environment for Harry (and maybe others), it’s unprofessional, and it’s not acceptable. So, to them: “I’ve heard you making comments about Harry under your breath and that needs to stop. If you have a concern about Harry, please bring it to me and I will take it seriously and investigate. But you need to behave professionally in this office, and muttered comments about someone you don’t like are not okay.”

But you shouldn’t do any of this without talking with someone in your workplace who has more expertise than your boss apparently does — generally HR. There are legal consequences to your company if you mishandle this (another reason that it’s so weird that your boss is taking the approach he is), and they need to be looped in.

Comments

[ysobel]

I honestly found myself disagreeing with Alison a smidge, in that she's treating Harry's behavior as being equally bad. It may depend on exactly what he said. Was it explicitly Islamophobic (e.g. "you two are women-hating terrorists") or more like pointing out that Islam isn't perfect (no human religion is)? In an ideal world he shouldn't say anything like that, and I'm not saying he reacted well, hut it's like situations where kid A bullies kid B, kid B kicks him to get away, and the school gives equal punishment to both A and B.

...I do agree with the AAM commenters speculating that the boss (possibly also F&G) think(s) Islam is more legit than Wicca. The two-vs-one "logic" is nonsense.

[tielan]

If we take religion out of the picture entirely, then what we have are two people picking on another person regarding personal choices, making Harry's work situation entirely untenable to the point where he lashed back along the same lines as the duo.

It could have been sexuality or gender harassment, it could have been Harry's appearance, or his ability to run a quarter-mile flat out before his hands started shaking. Doesn't matter in the end.

Fred and George's needling and bullying are the starting point to this and the primary activator, Harry's manner of response is worth mentioning, but only in that the response should have been to bring it to HR rather than lash back in the way they have.

Frankly, Fred and George sound like exactly the kind of employees that a team leader should be emphatically separating out, or, in a pinch, GTFO out of the team. Two people who work like that to isolate/needle another team member? Are not team players, are not good employees to be managing, and most likely will do this again with someone else - if they haven't already.

(Also: I am concerned that the team leader seems to have only intervened once Harry lashed back. Which means...they didn't notice this happening in their team of 10 people?)

[harpers_child]

"Fred and George have been known to joke around occasionally and I have to rein them in, though nothing as egregious as this incident"

Did you mean to say Fred and George have a history of bullying coworkers? Because it sounds like F&G don't know what appropriate professional boundaries are.

I'd put the entire team through training on what the law is on workplace discrimination. Maybe have a meeting on what appropriate professional conduct is while you're at it.

(I will admit that this is a touchy subject for me as a pagan. I've always used the line "I don't discuss my religious beliefs at work" and gotten away with it.)
Everyone here is the asshole, but especially the management that's treating some religions as lesser than others.

[ashbet]

^^^This, from a fellow Pagan.

[minoanmiss]

Yeah, I think LW let F&G go and go until an inevitable explosion, whereas, though it's easy to judge after the fact, I think all of this could have been headed off if she'd reined in F&G's 'teasing'.