lemonsharks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lemonsharks) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
agonyaunt2021-10-13 10:14 am
lemonsharks) wrote in agonyaunt2021-10-13 10:14 am
Ask Amy: My husband had a vasectomy but I got pregnant
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for 20 years. He had a vasectomy after our son was born 19 years ago because he had two older children from a previous marriage.
During our marriage, he has cheated twice, but I always forgave him.
Surprisingly, at the age of 45, I found out I was pregnant, and he accused me of cheating — which I NEVER did.
A DNA test proved he’s the father of our child.
I’m so mad at him for thinking that, and we haven’t spoken in weeks.
He’s apologized profusely, and has asked for forgiveness, but I can’t seem to forgive him.
Help, what should I do?
– Expecting
Dear Expecting: The tension now is actually a vestige of his previous infidelities.
People tend to assuage their guilt by accusing others of their own transgressions.
It’s yet another way to let yourself off the hook.
You could break the silence in your household by telling your husband that you are struggling to forgive him for his extremely unfair assumption about you.
Solicit his help – and challenge him – by asking him to provide you with reasons to forgive him. In addition to asking for forgiveness now, he may need to fold in a sincere apology for his previous transgressions.
During our marriage, he has cheated twice, but I always forgave him.
Surprisingly, at the age of 45, I found out I was pregnant, and he accused me of cheating — which I NEVER did.
A DNA test proved he’s the father of our child.
I’m so mad at him for thinking that, and we haven’t spoken in weeks.
He’s apologized profusely, and has asked for forgiveness, but I can’t seem to forgive him.
Help, what should I do?
– Expecting
Dear Expecting: The tension now is actually a vestige of his previous infidelities.
People tend to assuage their guilt by accusing others of their own transgressions.
It’s yet another way to let yourself off the hook.
You could break the silence in your household by telling your husband that you are struggling to forgive him for his extremely unfair assumption about you.
Solicit his help – and challenge him – by asking him to provide you with reasons to forgive him. In addition to asking for forgiveness now, he may need to fold in a sincere apology for his previous transgressions.
no subject
The implication is that the vasectomy didn't fail, the uterus-owning partner had sex with another penis-owner, but that one or both of the committed/official couple claimed that the vasectomy failed rather than acknowledge the factual reality of cheating.
no subject