a coworker prayed for my fiancé’s death so we didn’t invite her to our wedding: there's an update!

[beable]

https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/update-a-coworker-prayed-for-my-fiances-death-so-we-didnt-invite-her-to-our-wedding-and-now-there-is-drama.html


Remember the letter about the person who prayed for a coworker’s death, leading to a bunch of drama when she wasn’t invited to his wedding? Here’s the update — which apparently resolved before I had even printed the letter here.

I wrote to you recently about my fiancé, “Ted,” who was in a car accident with his coworker, “Bob.” Their coworker, “Sally,” confessed to Ted that she had prayed if God had to let one die, she hoped it would be him. Thank you SO much for your great insights, advice, and quick response.

An update: Fortunately, this resolved very very quickly! The morning after I wrote you, Bob privately asked Ted if they could talk about the situation with Sally. Turns out, Sally does have a crush on Bob. When they returned to work after the accident, she told Bob that the thought that she might lose him made her realize she loves him. Bob said he told her he is happily married and not interested. He said that since then, she has been driving past his house repeatedly, calling his home and hanging up, sending weird texts (some continuing to be suggestive or expressing her love while others are angry, almost threatening) despite his asking her to stop.

Ted ended up telling Bob about his bizarre conversation with her. Bob said he would quietly talk to others on the team to explain why Ted didn’t want to invite her to the wedding. But Bob also decided it had all become weird enough that he needed to talk to their manager to give her a heads-up. I don’t know what happened after his meeting with the manager, but that afternoon, it was announced that Sally is no longer working there.

Ted is actively looking for a new job. We read your advice and the comments together. Ted agrees that he should’ve talked to Sally directly about how much her comments upset him. And that he should’ve given at least a vague explanation to the others as to why she was the only one excluded. We both have now learned the hard way that from now on, we need to keep boundaries between our professional and personal relationships.

Ted especially appreciates all the supportive comments regarding therapy and says he is going to make an appointment to see someone. This has definitely been a learning experience and we both sincerely appreciate the help! When you’re caught up in drama, getting an outside perspective is SO valuable. Thank you!

Sincerely, No Longer Sad


I cannot let this letter go so I wrote back and asked, “What happened with all the drama on the team? Did people end up finding out why Sally hadn’t been invited, and have things calmed down?” The answer:


Apparently Bob told everyone all that had occurred. All but one of the women has apologized to Ted, saying they should’ve known he wouldn’t exclude Sally for no reason.

Still—you were SO right. We shouldn’t have excluded one couple with no explanation! No one has heard from Sally, but someone from security came to clear out her desk. I guess based on her bizarre behavior with both Bob and Ted, she’s struggling right now with some sort of mental health issues and I hope she gets help.

Comments

[gingicat]

Dayum.

[perspi]

Holy wow, indeed.

[jadelennox]

sheeyit.

[minoanmiss]

That was spectacular.

Am a little tired of all the sympathy for Sally in the comments, though.

[raine]

Yeah. Like, really, Sally went off the deep end and that was *before* we knew the backstory.

[mommy]

Oh, boy. I wish Ted luck with his job search.

[cereta]

I have to admit that this whole story makes me feel a lot better about only socializing with work people who are also in other specific communities (translate: fellow fen/gamers). Drama is sort of endemic to English departments (I know: big shock), and I really don't need that spilling over into my social life.

[raine]

It also highlights why it's so bad to get so wrapped up in a work friendship, particularly one you can't escape without someone getting hurt.

[xenacryst]

Yes, this. I have regularly socialized with people who work at the same place I do, but in almost all cases they have been outside of my immediate department or team, and yes, also in a specific other type of community that I'm a part of. I am willing to, say, go have drinks with my immediate coworkers these days, but anything beyond that, sorry, I don't need to get wrapped up in your life to that extent.

[conuly]

Wow. I'm super glad that Ted and Bob went to management about this, because Sally needs to not work there. I, too, hope she gets whatever help she needs and that, meanwhile, Bob and his wife do some serious research on stalking and take all the best advice on how to stay safe.

[lemonsharks]

Well this turn of events doesn't surprise me at all