Care & Feeding: The Squirt Gun Vigilantes

[minoanmiss]

A fun summer activity has turned into a vigilante movement at school.

My son, “David,” is 10 years old. This summer was hard for me and a lot of other parents. It looked like the COVID front was finally getting better, and then delta came in and meant that everyone was back to masking and distancing, and all the socializing that he had been looking forward to getting back to was out the window. Some of us neighborhood parents decided to get squirt guns and encourage our kids to water fight as a relatively COVID-safe activity. It was a blisteringly hot summer, and it helped them stay cool outdoors and do something fun together at 20 or so feet away. David threw himself into the new “sport” enthusiastically, and organized four other kids from nearby houses into what they call “the squad.” Originally, it just meant that if any other kid shot water at any of them, the five of them would all turn their water guns on that person and blast him or her. Then it grew into carrying spare water with them so they wouldn’t have to run to someone’s home if they ran out during a squirt fight. Then it became doing exercises so they could carry increasing loads of water while still being able to run around. Toward the end of the summer, David asked me if he could use the printer: He wanted to print out an old World War II army manual he found somewhere on how to move while minimizing the chance of taking fire (a request I denied).

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I thought perhaps all this would end with the summer and going back to school, but David and his new group of friends are as tightknit as ever, and have even started expanding the squad. I was contacted by two separate teachers about the situation; they’re not exactly worried, but they have noticed. David’s new group is one of the few activities in the school that aren’t mandatory but manage to include people of different racial backgrounds. They also tend to shadow some of the more notorious bullies in the school. They haven’t gotten into any fights yet (or at least, none have been reported), and David claims they’re looking out for the rest of the student body in a way that the teachers can’t or won’t. My husband is extremely proud and amazed at David’s leadership and organizational skills. I’ll admit to being quite impressed with them too, but I’m also worried. There’s a very thin line between being some kind of anti-bullying volunteer force and bullying themselves. And … this is just weird. I’ve never heard of any child his age being so focused, for lack of a better word. Is this a problem? And if so, what should I be doing about it?

—Worried Mom

Dear Worried Mom,

This could be the beginning of a lifelong career as an organizer or some other such gatherer of people, or the start of a terrifying new gang. I’m mostly kidding about the last part, but I strongly encourage you and your husband to monitor as much of this group activity as you possibly can. As you recognize, the line between standing up for the downtrodden and becoming a force for bullying is a thin one, and though it sounds like your son might have really great intentions (or just a lot of creativity!), even if something were to happen with one of the other members of “the squad,” he could be on the hook for it. Many school districts have rules around so-called gang activity that could land them—and especially him, as the “organizer”—in a world of trouble.

Talk to your son about the difference between good groups and bad groups, how important it is that they aren’t ostracizing classmates or making people feel small by leaving them out, and discourage any and everything that sounds like military-style organizing. Help him to identify some good, aspirational goals for this group (“Helping classmates feel comfortable speaking up in class”) and some reasonable, safe ways they can work toward it (“Booing when a bully makes a joke about someone”) without ending up on some list in the principal’s office.

All the best to you.

Comments

[shirou]

The suggestion that LW talk to her son about his squad's goals and methods seems like good advice. But one more thing: LW's husband is right to be proud, and he and LW both should tell their son they are proud of him! Even with the risk that they might get a bit over-zealous, I would still so much prefer my children be anti-bullies than bullies.

[azurelunatic]

This is a fascinating hobby and I hope only good things for it.