agonyaunt | Ask a Manager: My Boss attends a famously bigoted university

I’m new to my job (two months in) and so I’m only just getting to know my new supervisor (all virtual/over Zoom). She seems lovely and supportive. But I recently learned that she is enrolled to get an advanced degree at one of the most notoriously anti-gay, anti-trans, anti-civil-rights, etc. etc. evangelical universities in the country. I’ll call it University X.

This isn’t a matter of what’s physically close to her, because it’s all online. It’s not a matter of saving money, because it’s being paid for by employers who would pay any tuition. It’s almost certainly not a matter of academic excellence, because this place just isn’t academically excellent. While I give a lot of leeway to where people get their undergrad degrees — an 18-year-old is functionally a child and most are under the thumbs of their parents — this is a woman closer to middle age who would have made the decision to enroll in grad school at University X with both eyes open and a plethora of other options.

As a supervisor, what is her duty here? Our employer is outspoken about support for the queer community. But I can imagine hearing from her that she was enrolled at University X and feeling super unsafe about talking to her about anything in my life that was even the least bit non-normative. Whether I count as “queer” is sort of up for debate within the community, but this question isn’t really about me so much as it is a hypothetical: What would you advise my supervisor to do here? Should she have chosen a different school from the get-go? Should she omit the name of the school when she discusses her academic work with subordinates? Should she mention the school but insert a disclaimer, “I know that University X has a really awful reputation for being queer-friendly, but I just want to let you know I don’t condone that”?

She shouldn’t attend a school that’s notoriously anti-gay, anti-trans, and anti-civil-rights, period. With the context you gave (eyes wide open and other options), you’ve got to assume she either actively supports their positions or simply doesn’t care (which for all intents and purposes isn’t that different from supporting them) and that’s a real problem for her as a manager (and as a human). If your employer is paying for her to get a degree there, they need to revisit what they pay for.

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I say with all due irony.

The number of people who crawled out of the woodwork to say variations on "OP [is] displaying the intolerant attitude that she is merely scared her supervisor will display but has shown no signs of." I am so tired of people who say being wary of someone inside one's head is as bad or WORSE than acting bigoted towards someone in the wider world. (And willingly choosing to give money to and be taught by an organization which loudly promulgates intolerance *is* a sign. We can argue about whether or not it's sufficient eviedence but it does count.)

Ughghghghghghghg.

Yeah, idk I do think that like. since LW presumably needs to keep their job in order to live.......... it is sometimes helpful to make certain assumptions in order for that situation to be tolerable. While LW should absolutely 100% be guarded about how they interact with this supervisor (& report or record anything that goes against the company's policy/feel out whether that policy is actually enforced), in order to continue working there (long-term, or while searching for another job), it can be helpful to assume the supervisor is simply unaware of the connotations or has some other compelling reason to attend.

Then when LW finally gets out from under this supervisor, they can take a step back and process what the actual fuck was happening.

If you do not tolerate my bigotry, YOU are the intolerant one, so there!

It is arguable that her mentioning what school she is attending is a microaggression, at least.

As a person who has a homophobic boss and who ended up reporting that boss for going against the discrimination policy I would actually look and see what steps their HR would take if there was an incident. Mine did not have steps in place, they let us "talk it out" (which didn't change anything), and then let us continue to work together in a terrible environment.

When a good company has steps in place with a 100% no tolerance policy of discrimination this wouldn't happen. Proving discrimination is no fun. it's a lot of "they said" and "I feel" and not a lot of hard evidence. You might find yourself still working with someone who has been accused and you have even worse things to navigate.

My good news is I finally got a new job (last week) it has been a LONG 3.5 years.

Congratulations on the new job! I hope it is a majorly positive change for you. Having been in the place of trying to convince myself of discrimination on the job much less anyone else (especially in the face of gaslighting), I feel you on how long this can feel.

The latest toxic asshat at my workplace FINALLY retired in May. I've always mostly enjoyed this workplace and the job, which is why I came back to it after 7 years away, and since May, I have actively enjoyed my job, even when overworked. I wish you as much enjoyment of your new job.

Thank you!

I thought it was just me (mostly gaslighting myself) until coworkers brought it up. THEY could see that she did it on purpose, but no one has ever stopped her. HR actively says they do not tolerate any form of discrimination. But they won't do anything to stop her since "as a manager she can chose her own style of management."

For the last 3.5 years she has actively NOT spoken to me. Which she thinks means she cannot discriminate. (she really thinks that not talking to me means she isn't discriminating. It's just another form!) She even told other employees not to talk to me bc I am (her words) "a protected class"

I believe I have 2 more weeks with her and I am COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS!!!

ARGH, what a toxic [expletive of choice]. Also, no one calling her on her behavior is just... ugh.

FREEDOM SOON!

I have never seen "protected class" used as a slur before. Creative!

I am SO GLAD YOU ARE GETTING OUT OF THERE OMG

me too.

(also I was not trying to hijack this thread. I was just trying to say that some companies say they have a policy but they have no actual policy)

You didn't hijack the thread-- you provided a lived example of the topic under discussion!

CONGRATULATIONS YOU DESERVE THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR NEW JOB I AM SO GLAD FOR YOU

Thanks!

🎵Time to anonymously let tell her and the training program about the university's history and shitty academics and suggest they do a deep dive into supervisor's social media🎶

I sincerely wish the supervisor the day she deserves

Ask a Manager: My Boss attends a famously bigoted university

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