agonyaunt | (no subject)

Dear Amy: My niece is angry at a few members of our family. We offered our apologies, but they were rejected.

My daughter is getting married, and that’s making things awkward.

I recently learned that my niece moved into her first house.

I texted her congratulations and asked for her mailing address, in order to send the invitation. She responded: “Please send it to my father’s house, as it’s just easier.”

Easier than receiving mail at her own house?

She’s made it clear that she wants to stay angry.

I assumed that including her in the family event might begin to heal bad feelings. Now I’m just annoyed.

I’m supposed to invite someone to a wedding that won’t tell me where she lives?

– Offended

Dear Offended: You sound like a mature person, but you might be too willing to chalk your niece’s response up to a family rift, rather than a simple and truthful instruction.

I can think of many reasons why a person who is in a new home might not be confident about her mail service, but your niece’s refusal to communicate about the recent dust-up in your family is bound to make you wonder.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/askamy/s-2525209?fs

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If Niece feels that it's not safe to give out her address to these people, then she's probably right - and she probably has a good reason for minimizing contact with them over whatever it is they did.

*sings* "Missing reasons, missing reasons..."

They're not even that well hidden.

The letter seems to be more missing reason than question - it's almost parodic. Imagine trying to get through this lead in out loud without being interrupted with questions!

Giant glowing missing reasons in neon lights.

I read this one this morning and was impressed by the massive neon

Missing Reasons

ahahahah saving this in my Reaction Images file.

The LW isn't even trying to be subtle about it. What's even weirder is that LW doesn't dispute that niece has (or at least had) reason to be angry. They don't say it was over nothing. They say the family has apologized, without suggesting it was just to smooth things over. It is abundantly clear in the letter that the family (and not just one individual, either) wronged the niece in some way. The absence of that detail, combined with the niece not wanting LW to know where she lives, makes me think it was something very, very serious.

It’s fascinating that it never occurs to LW that she could, in fact, just…not invite this person who shows every evidence of not wanting contact with her, and is thus unlikely to want to attend this wedding.

I don't understand why LW can't just send it to niece's father's place?

And I can think of plenty of reasons why niece wouldn't want to get mail at her place, including abusive housemates/partners, mail thieves, and irregular collection of the post from the mailbox...

Because they SAID SORRY, damnit, and now all offenses are to be dropped forevermore.

...okay!

*backs away slowly*

Nononono, backing away means you WANT to be ANGRY, and they already said sorry, which means you're the one in the wrong now. So there.

Does this mean I've failed the module on passive-aggressive family relationships?

Sorry!

(But if Niece won't share her addy, no worries, it may be just straight up aggressive.)

I often feel like Murderbot in that I think the social modules the Company uploaded into my brain are crap and built by the lowest bidder.

Look, if I have to fail a module on passive-aggressive family relationships, at least it's because I don't have to deal with passive-aggressiveness in my family relationships. But...it does sometimes make interpreting Things Other Families Do a bit of a roulette: "So, wait, do they actually mean that, or is there an underlying 'go fuck yourself' that I'm completely missing?"

I suspect it is The Principle Of The Thing.

Yeah, I'm seeing it's One Of Those, Then, Eh?

Which members is she angry at? Over what? What kind of (bullshit) apology did "we" offer, and who is "we" and does that have any overlap with the people who fucked up?

These and other questions will never be answered.

LOL! oh this one is rich. Just do what the person asks and stop being butt hurt about it.