Dear Prudence: I bought an old man. Can I return him?

[minoanmiss]

Two years ago I bought a farm, and with the farm came a “man on the land” who is 84 and has been a general gardener and handyman on the property for more than 30 years. Let’s call him “Zeke.” He’s obviously too old to do some of the more rigorous labor, but he putts around on the riding mower and tidies up. When I deign to disagree with how he goes about his work, he gets angry. I asked him once to not mow by the house, as it was distracting to my work-from-home husband, and he yelled a bunch and huffed off on the mower at top-speed. While this behavior is somewhat humorous when viewed through a “grumpy old man” lens, I don’t find it amusing that someone who is paid by me cannot tolerate any adjustment in his agenda. It feels gendered as well; prior to the pandemic, he was a bit grabby and asked for kisses on the cheek, for example.

In addition, a fairly valuable and large antique was left in one of my barns by a previous owner almost 12 years ago. Zeke insists that the previous owner had gifted this item to him, but will not offer any proof, and I’ve asked him multiple times to move it or I would need to charge storage, as I have other equipment I would like to keep out of the weather. Half of me wants to just give him this item, which is worth probably $15,000, because I don’t need the money and I don’t want problems, but the other half wants to fire him and tell him if he wanted this item, he had a dozen years to take it. My husband says to let him take the item and fire him, as this situation is causing me consternation. Zeke’s identity is very highly wrapped up in this farm, and this is a small, rural community and he has a large sprawling family network that I’m sure I will cross paths with. What should I do?

—Man on My Land, Get Off My Land

Friend, if you ever want to be accepted in your new community, you are as stuck with Zeke as you are stuck with the rolling hills and darling glens of your new farm. You do not want to be the rich city folk who not only bought the old Barfspringer farm but fired 84-year-old Zeke. My advice to you is to have the giant crystal bird feeder delivered to his house, let Zeke ride his lawn mower around until the day he drops dead, and steer clear of him when you can.


—Prudie, bucolically

Comments

[azurelunatic]

Honestly I wonder if a new fence-like item near the house, one which cannot be ridden over with the mower, might help the immediate problem of Zeke mowing loudly right by the house.

[mommy]

That or a decorative wall of shrubbery, yeah.

[mommy]

LW could probably politely offer to transport the expensive thing to Zeke's place with a "Is next Thursday a good time? Excellent, see you then!" The actual day is less important than the understanding that the expensive thing is not going to be in her way anymore. What Zeke does with it afterwards is his business, not LW's. The main problem is transportation fees given the size of the expensive thing, but at least the storage space would be available again.

[melannen]

Does anyone know anything about the phrase "man on the land"? LW is using it like it's commonly understood, but when I googled it to see if I was missing a nuance I got mostly Sovereign Citizen stuff, which makes me wonder where LW picked it up....

[minoanmiss]

I don't know about that specific phrase, but when discussing this case with someone knowledgeable I learned about the concept of a "life estate" when someone like Zeke gets written into the deed.

[melannen]

Part of the reason I googled it is I wondered if it was regional dialect for some arrangement like that! Doesn't seem to be though.

[lemonsharks]

I assumed it meant "land cones with a long term tenant, with whom we never had a written lease, so good luck trying to evict"

[melannen]

I read it as something like that too from context (though the letter is unclear as to whether he lives there or not).

But when I google, uses in the last 50 years seem to be 1) Phrase used at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival to warn that a person with a penis was on the grounds; 2) Phrase used by people who believe that stating they are a Free Man On The Land means they are not subject to the legal system.

Man On The Land to mean any farmer does seem more common in Australia, but even then I'm not seeing it used for hired men specifically.

I kind of want this to be:. He's a Sovereign Citizen! She's a Separatist Radical Feminist! Who will win in the battle of wills? I would watch that reality show.

(LW if he calls himself a free man on the land, just try to outlive him, no attempts to fire or evict will be worth the mountains of stupid legal paperwork).

[lemonsharks]

(LW if he calls himself a free man on the land, just try to outlive him, no attempts to fire or evict will be worth the mountains of stupid legal paperwork).

Seriously. And even if LW does get Zeke to go somewhere else, that means they've made Zeke his family's problem instead of their problem, and that (as well as the eviction/firing itself) will not endear them to his sprawling family at all.

[mirlacca]

Yeah, LW is stuck with him. You really, really, really do not want to move into a rural environment and antagonize not just your 84-year-old gardener, but all his kin and all their friends (and enemies; they'll get in on it too) for the rest of your residence there. Prudie nailed this one.

[minoanmiss]

Is it terrible that I found this hysterically funny? I am amazed and amused that LW didn't seem to realize that this was not the same kind of employment as hiring an office worker.