agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR ABBY: New neighbors moved into my apartment building about a month ago. I don't mind that sometimes I hear their kids. I don't mind that sometimes I hear the adults. BUT! Their alarm clock wakes me up every morning at 6 a.m. It's loud, and I'm guessing it's up against the adjoining wall.

Normally, I sleep until 8. I work from home, and I'm usually up until 1 a.m. or so. I'm a night owl, and I simply can't go to sleep any earlier.

It's impossible to sleep through their alarm. It has been weeks. I am afraid if I complain they will call me a racist since I am white, and they are black. But it's NOT a race thing; it's a sleep thing. What should I do? -- SLEEPLESS IN BALTIMORE

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Write a polite note to the new neighbors and introduce yourself. Explain the problem you are experiencing and ask if they can help you by either moving their alarm clock to a different part of their bedroom or adjusting the ring to make it softer. (It could be as simple as placing their clock on a soft surface like a towel.) If they are unwilling to cooperate, as a last resort try earplugs and talk to the building manager about the noise problem.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2469644

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This may be uncharitable, but I have serious doubts about people who pre-emptively declare that ugh, they can't say anything to anybody about anything because somebody might jump to the wild conclusion that they're secret racists!

The walls are thin, 6am is early.

But, you know, maybe LW can ask a Black friend to make the request on their behalf, assuming they have one. Or, alternatively, since they're a big old wuss and I certainly have no reason to suspect them of closet bigotry, they can invest in some cork and a soundproof curtain. Pin the cork over the offending wall, hang the curtain in front of it, sleep better. (Also use a white noise machine.)

Edited 2021-01-23 07:49 (UTC)

To be honest if a White friend asked me to intervene I would give them such side-eye and would say, "go talk to them, politely, person to person, and then if they call you a racist, which, WTF, I personally think is unlikely, you will know in your heart you were not. As opposed to assuming they would, WTF. "

In my experience, at least, saying "X is a racist action" is a really good way to not get listened to and to bring out people's defensiveness, not a way to get people to back off. And that's just one of the many reasons I and not a few other Black people wouldn't throw around casual accusations of racism. Some Black people do, and they're assholes to do so, but oh I get tired of seeing us all judged by our worst all the time.

(if I sound annoyed it's with the LW and their underlying assumptions, not at all with you.)

TBH, you have white friends, and I am not certain this LW has ever spoken to a Black person in his life.

I too would not bet on LW having spoken to a Black person ever in this world.

I do not disagree with your suspicions about LW.

There is, I'm afraid, a moderate chance they will call you a racist if you asked. Based on b'more friends' experiences with noise complaints, there's a real chance they will also call you a f#$&*ing fat b@##_ and slam the door in your face, or threaten to sic dogs on you if you talk to them again.

If they do it won't have anything to do with your race or theirs it'll be because people are assholes and it's Baltimore.

The letter is a good start. So is introducing yourself in person in a friendly, safe way. Try not to make complaint your first & only relationship with them. Send cookies with the letter. Or try moving where *you* sleep and doing some soundproofing on your end. Naps are also a thing!

Don't contact the landlord over an alarm clock. It won't help and it makes you the asshole. Sometimes you just live in an apartment.

Sometimes you just live in an apartment.

We had a law student as a downstairs neighbor once who asked us not to blast music after midnight (a reasonable request delivered rudely, and we complied), and also asked us not to run the dryer in the evenings or early mornings or any time her was home, because it was loud. The latter was an unreasonable request which we ignored. Sometimes you live in an apartment.

The same b'more friend who was threatened with violence over a request to move the speakers to a non-shared wall if blasting music after 1 am had a previous downstairs neighbor who complained to the landlord if she walked barefoot on her floor in the afternoons.

It's a full spectrum between those two, I think! Sometimes you live in an apartment.

Wow that letter took a quick turn there.

I can sympathize with this letter writer. My previous upstairs neighbors moved their furniture daily while vacuuming and walked with steps heavy enough to make my windows rattle. They liked to hold long phone calls on their balcony at just the right volume for me to hear every word despite my closed windows. I'd hear random thuds from them at all hours. And I couldn't really say anything because people are allowed to clean and walk around and have conversations in their own homes. Reporting these things to my landlord would have just led to them seeing me as a controlling jerk. Sometimes you just have to put up with certain aggravations as part of apartment life.

As a lifelong apartment dweller, I was sympathetic to the letter writer right up until they took a turn into bizarre racism.

Yeah, that had no place in a "my neighbor is sometimes annoying" letter. It had no place anywhere.

Reminds me of the time I stayed at a hotel near a military base and every. single. alarm. clock. including. mine. went off at 0545. Even the ones in empty rooms.

la la la, alarm goes off early, that is annoying, talk to them politely -- I CAN'T TALK TO THEM THEY'LL CALL ME A RACIST THAT'S WHAT ALL BLACK PEOPLE DO WHENEVER ANYONE EXPRESSES ANYTHING NEGATIVE TO THEM EVER RIGHT?

Oh for fuck's sake. I feel sorry for the neighbors already. How long till LW accuses them of stealing their own car or calls the police on their teenage son?

I think the advice is sensible but I bitterly wish it could have included a scolding.

So...I would take the first opportunity to introduce myself. On the stairwell when we pass, out in the garage, knocking on the door. Say hi, make small talk, be neighbourly. And mention that their alarm goes off loudly at 6am and you can hear it really well. Would it be a problem if they could attend to turning it off sooner than not? Yes? No? It's it awful how thin walls in these buildings are?

And then, even after having mentioned the alarm, whether or not they turn it down, continue to interact with them innocuously in future. 'Hi, how's it going?' 'Morning' Mention the alarm only occasionally, otherwise you're just nagging. And if they don't do anything about it, then invest in earplugs.

"I'm afraid of being accused of racism" is not a reason not to talk to your neighbours. At least, I wouldn't have thought it is.

Bake some cookies, knock and ask them if they can move their alarm clock because reason reason reason, give cookies, thank, move on.

(Softening the request with a gift tends to go over well IME.)

But wow the white fragility is strong with this LW. :|

Jesus, this lady makes my mother's bone china cups look like a steel-titanium alloy.

Has she... considered chatting with them? As people? Hard concept to wrap one's brain around, I know, especially if it has the rough tensile strength of wet tissue.

Or accept you may just need to roll over and go back to sleep. Cause, I don't live alone and I am woken by alarms and their snoozes on the daily. It is part of life unless you want to go live in the middle of nowhere. In which cause your new alarm clock may be a chicken.

Hi! Haven't seen you here for a bit!

I love the last line, having watched so many city dwellers move to rural areas and then complain bitterly that the farmers there DARE to FARM.