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Double dose of missing reasons!
Dear Annie: I am the mother of three incredible adult children. About a year and a half ago, my only daughter just cut me off without any explanation. My youngest son then moved in next door to her and hasn't spoken to me in almost a year. They both refuse to talk to me.
So much has happened since then. My daughter got engaged and since then has gotten married she did not tell me of either the engagement or the wedding. I had to, unfortunately, find out on Facebook.
She did not invite anyone from my side of the family. She did invite her dad (my ex-husband) and his new wife. She also invited her new mother-in-law, father-in-law and brother-in-law and his girlfriend. I have been so hurt I'm at a loss for words. -- Mom Cast Aside
Dear Mom Cast Aside: One of the hard parts of this job is trying to discern what a letter leaves out. I'm struggling with that here. It would be strange indeed for a son and daughter to both abruptly cut off contact with their mother for no reason. I wonder what their perspectives might be.
No matter what happened between you all, though, I'm sure it's very painful for you to not have contact with them and to miss your daughter's wedding. It's natural to be feeling some resentment right now. Counseling could help you work through these emotions and find peace, and I strongly encourage you to give it a try. Your primary care doctor can refer you to therapists, or you can also call the national helpline SAMHSA (1-800-662-4357) to be connected with resources in your area.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearannie/s-2441051
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DEAR ABBY: Since I moved eight years ago, my son, "Jim," has visited me only once, and that's because I gave his son my car. I rarely hear from him, and when I have visited, we barely talk. We have totally different ideas on life, and it has caused a rift in our relationship.
When I have visited Jim and his wife, they just sit, watch movies and eat takeout food unless I take them out and pay for the meal. Over the years, I have given my son money and housed him when he went through a terrible divorce. His children are grown now, and I don't hear from them either.
He remarried a woman he met on the internet who has different ideas on things than my family and the way I was brought up. It hurts me very much. What's your opinion on what to do about this situation? I'm at a loss. -- LET DOWN IN IDAHO
DEAR LET DOWN: It's sad, but the breakdown in your relationship with Jim started a long time ago. It should have been addressed then.
It's not uncommon for adults to have ideas that differ from their parents', but it shouldn't cause a rift. If your son and his wife are hiding behind their television set rather than conversing, the situation may be as uncomfortable for them as it is for you.
If the dynamics in your relationship are going to improve, you will have to convince them to discuss where things went off track, agree to disagree on certain topics and talk about other things when you see them. From what you have written, it appears you are doing all the work in the relationship, and that isn't fair to you.
https://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2020/11/19/0/family-ties-break-down-after-mom
So much has happened since then. My daughter got engaged and since then has gotten married she did not tell me of either the engagement or the wedding. I had to, unfortunately, find out on Facebook.
She did not invite anyone from my side of the family. She did invite her dad (my ex-husband) and his new wife. She also invited her new mother-in-law, father-in-law and brother-in-law and his girlfriend. I have been so hurt I'm at a loss for words. -- Mom Cast Aside
Dear Mom Cast Aside: One of the hard parts of this job is trying to discern what a letter leaves out. I'm struggling with that here. It would be strange indeed for a son and daughter to both abruptly cut off contact with their mother for no reason. I wonder what their perspectives might be.
No matter what happened between you all, though, I'm sure it's very painful for you to not have contact with them and to miss your daughter's wedding. It's natural to be feeling some resentment right now. Counseling could help you work through these emotions and find peace, and I strongly encourage you to give it a try. Your primary care doctor can refer you to therapists, or you can also call the national helpline SAMHSA (1-800-662-4357) to be connected with resources in your area.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearannie/s-2441051
DEAR ABBY: Since I moved eight years ago, my son, "Jim," has visited me only once, and that's because I gave his son my car. I rarely hear from him, and when I have visited, we barely talk. We have totally different ideas on life, and it has caused a rift in our relationship.
When I have visited Jim and his wife, they just sit, watch movies and eat takeout food unless I take them out and pay for the meal. Over the years, I have given my son money and housed him when he went through a terrible divorce. His children are grown now, and I don't hear from them either.
He remarried a woman he met on the internet who has different ideas on things than my family and the way I was brought up. It hurts me very much. What's your opinion on what to do about this situation? I'm at a loss. -- LET DOWN IN IDAHO
DEAR LET DOWN: It's sad, but the breakdown in your relationship with Jim started a long time ago. It should have been addressed then.
It's not uncommon for adults to have ideas that differ from their parents', but it shouldn't cause a rift. If your son and his wife are hiding behind their television set rather than conversing, the situation may be as uncomfortable for them as it is for you.
If the dynamics in your relationship are going to improve, you will have to convince them to discuss where things went off track, agree to disagree on certain topics and talk about other things when you see them. From what you have written, it appears you are doing all the work in the relationship, and that isn't fair to you.
https://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2020/11/19/0/family-ties-break-down-after-mom
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2. I'm dying to know what, exactly, they have different views on that's so hurtful.
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At least LW2 admitted the reason, even if she didn’t provide details.
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