Dear Abby: Much younger siblings

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old male and my brother, "Brian," is 14. When I was 9, our parents split up. After a year, Mom realized she was a lesbian. She is married now to a younger woman, and they are starting a family through in vitro fertilization. Mom's wife is carrying twins -- a boy and a girl.

When I first heard about their plans to conceive, I was devastated. After a few months, Mom and I were able to reconnect and talk about it. I'm happy they're happy, but I'm still uncomfortable with the situation. When the children are born, I am unsure how I will be known. Mom says Brian and I will have "a sister and a brother."

Brian is excited that he will no longer be the youngest. But at my age, as a business owner and in a serious relationship, I prefer to consider Brian my sibling, not the twins. I will love the babies because they are connected to me, but I'm leaning toward being called their uncle or cousin because the twins will not be my blood relations.

I guess I'm "old school," and with all the changes I've experienced in my life I'm not sure I want all of a sudden to say I have new siblings. Is this OK? -- FINDING MY WAY IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR FINDING: I don't think you have to announce anything when your mother's children are born. As long as your relationship with them is a loving one, I don't think the "label" matters.

Comments

[recessional]

See, my inner twenty-two-year-old is actually the one going "what the FUCK is wrong with you, LW?" >.>

I get the sense Abby is trying NOT to wade into the definition of "family" going on here, in her answer.

[cereta]

Hee. See, I had my adolescent rebellion at 24-26, some I was a VERY serious person in college.

[recessional]

At 22 I had just sort of finished stabilizing after some very, very bad relationships (friendships, but never let it be said those can't fuck one up as bad as romances), sorting out what I wanted vs what was expected of me, sexuality sorting things, mental illness and neuroatypicality, etc, and managed to basically hack out my framework.

Which means 22 year old me is looking at LW and going "literally the only reasons I can think of for you to have these problems are ANATHEMA to me, what is wrong with you". Because she was still sorting out this whole "how, now that I have a solid grounding, to have nuance."

Me now is kind of at " . . . kid, I think you could use some therapy. *facepalm*" instead.