Security Camera Captures Angry Man's Hourlong Rant

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, my husband and I had what I thought was a minor conflict, from which I walked away to avoid escalation. I could hear him continuing to rant, so I pulled up the security camera on my phone and watched and listened as he continued to say horrible things for an hour or more. He called me a disgusting blob, said there is nothing appealing about me, and I should go out in the yard and kill myself just like my father did.

The words were so painful that I began to sob uncontrollably and screamed in anguish. He never came to console me. In fact, he told me to shut up. I'm not a crier, typically, so his blatant disregard for the effect his words had on me raises another level of concern.

We have since discussed the event, and his first defense was to say he didn't know I could hear him. Meanwhile, I have to live with the fact that I'm married to a man who has such a low opinion of me that he thinks I should kill myself.

I have no family, and I'm hesitant to upend a life that is finally stable after a chaotic childhood and early adulthood. My husband isn't typically abusive, but this incident has me questioning everything. We have been together for 22 years and married for nearly 16 with no children. What are your thoughts? -- THROWN INTO TURMOIL

DEAR THROWN: My first thought is that you and your husband need to find a healthier way to deal with your conflicts than your walking out on him, and him saying nasty things into a camera knowing full well he might be heard. If your definition of stability is tolerating further verbal abuse, then you are -- and will be -- paying a high price for it.

I sincerely hope the two of you will try to iron out your differences with the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist. After all the years you have invested in each other, it's worth a shot.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2363170

Comments

[jadelennox]

At this point, the metadata I want all advice columnists to provide on letters is "was this letter posted before or after quarantine". And anybody giving advice on a letter like this that does not take into account that people are trapped with each other -- which both means that minor things are going to blow up and people don't have privacy to deal with them, but also means that dangerous situations are way more dangerous than they would be otherwise -- is basically derelict in whatever duty of care they should be practicing as advice givers.