Seriously, LW, what is wrong with you?

[conuly]

DEAR HARRIETTE: I talked to a good friend who told me that almost a dozen people in his life have died in the past couple of weeks due to COVID-19. He had been trying to stay positive and follow directions, but he was really down when we talked that day. I offered to pray with him, which we did. I then told him that as bad as it is, he has to be grateful that he is alive. He got mad at me for saying that. I didn’t know what to say, honestly. Nothing like this has ever happened before. But I do know that if you get depressed, it will be harder to get through this sadness. What else can I say to him? -- Grieving Friend

DEAR GRIEVING FRIEND: Forgive your friend for not being able to receive your message at this dark moment in his life. Continue to pray for him. And reach out to him soon and often. Check in to learn how he is feeling and what he is doing. Share something positive that you have read or seen. Encourage him to do something uplifting. Stay in touch and be a good listener, even when he is insensitive.

https://www.uexpress.com/sense-and-sensitivity/2020/4/28/1/reader-wonders-when-its-ok-to

Comments

[ioplokon]

Idk I don't want to be too harsh on LW - most people are just fucking bad at helping their loved ones through times of grief, even if they've lost loved ones themselves. And that's not accounting for the particular situation of losing a dozen people in a few weeks. LW knows they don't know what to say; they said they thing they thought they were supposed to and realized they've angered & hurt their friend; they also don't want to just leave their friend alone to suffer. Like, they're literally asking for advice on better things to say. It's better than what like 90% of people do in that situation, which is just ghost because they're too uncomfortable.

That said, the response is pretty awful. The LW needs advice and insight into the mind of someone experiencing that kind of complicated grief, not vague things about being uplifting. When that's the advice they get, how can you be surprised they have no idea how to help their friend?

[lilysea]

I'm surprised she didn't recommend The Art of Comforting: What to Say and Do for People in Distress, by Val Walker [it's available as an ebook!]

It talks about how to step away from hurtful cliches towards things that are ACTUALLY comforting.

[conuly]

Because that would've been good advice.

[cynthia1960]

+10000

[rosefox]

I don't fault the LW for reaching out, but the response is terrible.