minoanmiss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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agonyaunt2020-04-28 01:41 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2020-04-28 01:41 am
Entry tags:
Ask a Manager: HR told me to cover up my scars
(Cut-tagged for discussion of self-harm, among other reasons)
Dear Ask a Manager,
I work in a laboratory where everyone wears lab coats. We each have a desk outside of the lab where we sit to write our reports and read emails. The dress code is very lax, most people wear t-shirts everyday. To give you an idea of the culture, my boss regularly wears a Nine Inch Nails t-shirt with a curse word on the back.
I’ve been working there for five years now. A few months ago, “Brandy” started at our office. She is about the same level as me in the company structure. She recently went to our HR person and complained that I should not be allowed to wear short-sleeved shirts. Her rationale was that she didn’t want to have to see my scars. I used to have issues with depression and I would cut my arms, so I have quite a few scars on them. Since this was when I was a teenager, and I am in my 40’s now, the scars are pretty faded at this point. HR has told me that I need to wear long sleeves at all times since this makes her uncomfortable. I have read before that companies can mandate that one person has to wear something different from everyone else, but is this different because these scars are the result of a, now resolved admittedly, medical issue?
This is BS, and your HR is terrible. You don’t tell someone to cover up because someone else is uncomfortable; this is Brandy’s issue, not yours. Would your HR department also tell women to wear longer skirts because a man complained he was uncomfortable seeing their legs? Or, uh, this?
Legally … it’s pretty iffy. You can’t treat people differently because of a disability or the perception that they’re disabled. I can’t say for sure whether scars from depression years ago would trigger that protection, but no sensible HR person should care enough to argue it. I’d go back to HR and tell them you’re sure the company is not truly telling someone they need to cover up the signs of a former medical condition, and you will be continuing to follow the same dress code as everyone else. Loop in your boss too, as long as she’s not a similar disaster.
Dear Ask a Manager,
I work in a laboratory where everyone wears lab coats. We each have a desk outside of the lab where we sit to write our reports and read emails. The dress code is very lax, most people wear t-shirts everyday. To give you an idea of the culture, my boss regularly wears a Nine Inch Nails t-shirt with a curse word on the back.
I’ve been working there for five years now. A few months ago, “Brandy” started at our office. She is about the same level as me in the company structure. She recently went to our HR person and complained that I should not be allowed to wear short-sleeved shirts. Her rationale was that she didn’t want to have to see my scars. I used to have issues with depression and I would cut my arms, so I have quite a few scars on them. Since this was when I was a teenager, and I am in my 40’s now, the scars are pretty faded at this point. HR has told me that I need to wear long sleeves at all times since this makes her uncomfortable. I have read before that companies can mandate that one person has to wear something different from everyone else, but is this different because these scars are the result of a, now resolved admittedly, medical issue?
This is BS, and your HR is terrible. You don’t tell someone to cover up because someone else is uncomfortable; this is Brandy’s issue, not yours. Would your HR department also tell women to wear longer skirts because a man complained he was uncomfortable seeing their legs? Or, uh, this?
Legally … it’s pretty iffy. You can’t treat people differently because of a disability or the perception that they’re disabled. I can’t say for sure whether scars from depression years ago would trigger that protection, but no sensible HR person should care enough to argue it. I’d go back to HR and tell them you’re sure the company is not truly telling someone they need to cover up the signs of a former medical condition, and you will be continuing to follow the same dress code as everyone else. Loop in your boss too, as long as she’s not a similar disaster.
Two additional pieces of information:
1) LW reports that "It’s worth noting that while we are in the lab (which is about 75% of the time) I am wearing a long sleeved lab coat. My arms are visible if she comes into my very high walled cubicle at the beginning or end of the day while I’m checking email or typing up my reports or when I’m eating lunch at my computer. Very occasionally, we will all go out to lunch and she can see them then. Something I didn’t mention in the letter but my spouse also works at the same company. She is very flirty with them (they do not reciprocate) so I wonder if that may be part of the reasoning behind this complaint. "
Also LW#2 detailed their conversation with HR: "The HR person told me that it was unprofessional to wear short sleeves as my arms were scarred and I had obviously attempted suicide at one time. She went on to say that Brandy had brought this to her attention and that it made her (Brandy) very uncomfortable and she (Brandy) should be subjected to that “ugly sight”. "
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The LW should definitely talk to an employment lawyer (or the EEOC, which is free.)
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I can sorta understand this if the scars were somehow triggering to Brandy, and I can see how that might be possible, but then we'd hope she could express herself with more compassion.
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But nope, looks like she's just an asshole
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LW is awesome for healing and moving on from a bad place to being with someone she loves.
And the HR person is full of shit. LW needs to get it down on-record and talk to her lawyer.