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agonyaunt2020-01-14 12:18 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2020-01-14 12:18 pm
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Care & Feeding: Am I Allowed to Join a Church Just to Get Into Its Day Care?
I’m an atheist, but day care is really competitive.
Dear Care and Feeding,
My husband and I are expecting our first child, and we happen to live in a city where day care is extremely competitive. I’m talking two-plus-year waitlists everywhere we toured. I want to increase our chances of getting into one of these coveted programs any way I can. The majority of these great programs are run by churches. While we happen to be atheists, I’m not opposed to religion, and I think it’s good to expose our child to it as an option they may want.
My in-laws are super religious and will demand we get baby baptized in their religion. I’m fine with that. It’s just a little water, and they’re not trying to make me convert (yet).
Here’s the problem: In an effort to dramatically increase our chances of getting into a good day care, I want to join the church of my No. 1 pick. It’s not the religion of my in-laws. My husband thinks we should just hope for the best and let the chips fall where they may.
Is it ethical for me to join a church because I want the day care, given that I like the community aspects but don’t currently believe in God? My husband thinks this is a horrific abuse, since I am directly benefiting from a community I don’t belong in and would not be a part of without the day care.
He has no issue with the baptizing, since we get no benefit other than making his parents happy. I think they’re both on the same ground ethically, since I am not particularly fond of my in-laws’ religion and will never attend a service there or join that community.
—Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
Dear Wolf,
I agree that both of these ideas are pretty much ethically equal, and that your husband obviously prefers the one that gets his parents off his back.
I myself am a practicing Christian, and let me tell you: All kinds of people show up. Cold people, hungry people, believers, immigrants seeking sanctuary, unbelievers praying to be freed from their unbelief, unbelievers who just want to get out of the rain, people who are mentally ill, unbelievers who have been showing up for 20 years to stay in Aunt Margo’s will, smug believers who are annoyed by the cold and hungry people, people who thought they were entering a museum, etc.
Is it a church whose values you think are appropriate for your child? This is what matters. I couldn’t enter a homophobic church if it meant my child ascending directly to the finest school in all the land, but could I hang out an hour a week with the Episcopalians and stand and sit when everyone else does and sort-of listen and then steal some cookies on my way out and say, “Great sermon, Pastor Tim”? Why not. If getting into this day care means enough to you to show up, go for it.
Also, they know your little game. Plenty of churches attached to day cares are keeping the lights on by contributions from uninterested parents hoping to get a leg up on the competition.
What’s ethically broken is the lack of universal day care in this country. What you’re proposing is up there with jaywalking. I am more comfortable with the idea of you showing up and being technically open to what this church is saying than I am with you verbally pledging to raise your child in your in-laws’ faith, knowing as you say so that it’s a lie. But, you know, that’s because I think God can hear you. If you don’t, why would you care? If it all turns out to be malarkey, I’ll see you in the great Void or in Valhalla or the afterlife of whoever’s right soon enough. But yeah, your husband is totally overplaying his hand.
Have a day with the exact amount of blessing you desire!
Dear Care and Feeding,
My husband and I are expecting our first child, and we happen to live in a city where day care is extremely competitive. I’m talking two-plus-year waitlists everywhere we toured. I want to increase our chances of getting into one of these coveted programs any way I can. The majority of these great programs are run by churches. While we happen to be atheists, I’m not opposed to religion, and I think it’s good to expose our child to it as an option they may want.
My in-laws are super religious and will demand we get baby baptized in their religion. I’m fine with that. It’s just a little water, and they’re not trying to make me convert (yet).
Here’s the problem: In an effort to dramatically increase our chances of getting into a good day care, I want to join the church of my No. 1 pick. It’s not the religion of my in-laws. My husband thinks we should just hope for the best and let the chips fall where they may.
Is it ethical for me to join a church because I want the day care, given that I like the community aspects but don’t currently believe in God? My husband thinks this is a horrific abuse, since I am directly benefiting from a community I don’t belong in and would not be a part of without the day care.
He has no issue with the baptizing, since we get no benefit other than making his parents happy. I think they’re both on the same ground ethically, since I am not particularly fond of my in-laws’ religion and will never attend a service there or join that community.
—Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
Dear Wolf,
I agree that both of these ideas are pretty much ethically equal, and that your husband obviously prefers the one that gets his parents off his back.
I myself am a practicing Christian, and let me tell you: All kinds of people show up. Cold people, hungry people, believers, immigrants seeking sanctuary, unbelievers praying to be freed from their unbelief, unbelievers who just want to get out of the rain, people who are mentally ill, unbelievers who have been showing up for 20 years to stay in Aunt Margo’s will, smug believers who are annoyed by the cold and hungry people, people who thought they were entering a museum, etc.
Is it a church whose values you think are appropriate for your child? This is what matters. I couldn’t enter a homophobic church if it meant my child ascending directly to the finest school in all the land, but could I hang out an hour a week with the Episcopalians and stand and sit when everyone else does and sort-of listen and then steal some cookies on my way out and say, “Great sermon, Pastor Tim”? Why not. If getting into this day care means enough to you to show up, go for it.
Also, they know your little game. Plenty of churches attached to day cares are keeping the lights on by contributions from uninterested parents hoping to get a leg up on the competition.
What’s ethically broken is the lack of universal day care in this country. What you’re proposing is up there with jaywalking. I am more comfortable with the idea of you showing up and being technically open to what this church is saying than I am with you verbally pledging to raise your child in your in-laws’ faith, knowing as you say so that it’s a lie. But, you know, that’s because I think God can hear you. If you don’t, why would you care? If it all turns out to be malarkey, I’ll see you in the great Void or in Valhalla or the afterlife of whoever’s right soon enough. But yeah, your husband is totally overplaying his hand.
Have a day with the exact amount of blessing you desire!