agonyaunt | (no subject)

Dear Annie: My husband used to hold my hand when we were out and would always give me little pats and rubs just to let me know he was still interested in me. But once he had prostate surgery, it was like someone flipped a switch. He immediately ceased all contact. I realize we can no longer have sex the way we used to, but we can still give each other pleasure.

But here is the real problem: My husband is sometimes incontinent and must wear an adult diaper. I could live with this except that he doesn't change it for several days at a time. You can only imagine how he smells. He says he doesn't notice it, but I gag when I'm near him.

I have told him he needs to change the diaper more often and take daily showers. He'll try for a bit, but then reverts back to his nasty ways. In the meantime, I can't even get close enough to kiss him. What do I do? -- Missing It

Dear Missing: It's possible your husband wants you to keep your distance, and this is one way to ensure it. It's also possible he is depressed about his current condition and has stopped caring about his hygiene. Suggest he speak to his doctor (or you can call his doctor's office and leave a message explaining the problem). In the meantime, remind him gently when it's time to shower and change.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/anniesmailbox/s-2295477

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I'd be less worried about depression and more worried about senility, tbh. Instead of giving him "gentle reminders" and "suggesting" he talk to the doctor, make the appointment and go with him. There is something wrong here. I suppose depression can cause this too, but either way, "gentle reminders" are not going to help until you know what's causing this.

This. Also, what kind of dumbass advice was that, Annie?

Seriously. I generally rebel at the idea of wives having to mother their husbands, but health care is my one exception, because good GOD can men be weird about going to the doctor (or telling the doctor what is wrong once they're there, or not downplaying it if they do tell). As you said, something is very wrong here.

Given what's described, I wouldn't chalk this up to the ill person being a baby about going to the doctor, but to whatever cognitive impairment or mental illness is causing this behavior in the first place.

All of this. Plus, smell is the least of the problems if he is not changing it for days. He could be getting all sorts of infections from that situation.